education.com
asks:
Q:
How to stop my fiance from bullying my son? He constantly picks at my son about how he eats, plays sports, & utilizes his time when he is home.
"He calls my son fat, tells him he needs to run a mile everyday. My son is 11 & it is really starting to bother him to the point where I see his self esteem is being affected. Somedays it will start when he is getting ready for school. My fiance will yell at him for eating breakfast or getting dressed too slow. He says it is discipline. My son has never missed the bus ever so it is not like he is that slow that he is making either of us late for work. In the mornings he is always ready before he needs to leave for the bus stop & has time to watch a few mins of tv. I seem to be referee & tell my fiance that he is taking it too far. He will yell at my son to the point my son is going to school crying. How do I get my fiance to know that his discipline is bullying? My son comes home from school with his report card with straight As & my fiance doesn't tell him great job instead he will make a comment like well that is the way it is supposed to be you shouldn't get anything less than that...i need help on addressing the issue to my fiance because anytime i try he tells me not to interfere he is just teaching my son to be a man. I want my son to be & grow up happy. I have also told my son that he comes first no matter what and that he can come to me about anything. I am in the middle & not sure if this can be fixed or if I should leave him. If anyone has any advice I would love to hear it."
Asked by "Sarah" via email.
In Topics:
Bullying and teasing, Discipline and behavior challenges, Blended families
Asked by "Sarah" via email.
> 60 days ago
What the Expert Says:
Additional Answers (8)
Not acceptable. Your fiance is telling you taht you are interferring, he is interfering. You are the parent and it is your job to discipline not his. He may give opinions or make small rules becasue it is his house as well but this is your child. You need to sit down with him immediately and let him know what the deal is. If the situation won't change, I hate to say it but then he needs to hit the road. Your son comes first!
My husband is not my son's father. He does light disciplining but I have final say and authority. If my son was unhappy or being bullied by my husband, he would not be my husband.
My husband is not my son's father. He does light disciplining but I have final say and authority. If my son was unhappy or being bullied by my husband, he would not be my husband.
> 60 days ago
It is time to realize that these are WARNING signs of abuse. It mya not be a very big issue right now, but eventually it could turn into physical abuse. I would lay the law down NOW! Tell your fiance that you will not have him put your child down. That you feel it is not funny and you take it very seriously. If he continues, I would consider calling off your engagement.
> 60 days ago
Question:
Why haven't you broken up?
My father was a lot like this, and to be perfectly honest, he didn't do a very good job. It's been proven that you can get better results out of someone by rewarding them for good behavior rather than punishing them for bad behavior. Any accredited Human Relations class will tell you that in your first week.
Give your fiance an ultimatum: "Either your attitude goes, or you go with it."
Why haven't you broken up?
My father was a lot like this, and to be perfectly honest, he didn't do a very good job. It's been proven that you can get better results out of someone by rewarding them for good behavior rather than punishing them for bad behavior. Any accredited Human Relations class will tell you that in your first week.
Give your fiance an ultimatum: "Either your attitude goes, or you go with it."
> 60 days ago
I am in a less severe situation with my fiance' and 8-year-old son and it has my seriously reconsidering the marriage. If I were in your situation I would run away and never look back. Your child is in danger.
53 days ago
Hi Sarah; I can almost relate to some of the things you are worried about. My only suggestion to you is and you have to say it from your heart and mean it.....you need to face your fiance and tell him that he is YOUR son and you will take care of what you feel needs to be addressed. Its will be difficult especially if you love that man, but if that man loves you then he will respect you and your son. Continue telling your son he is number one at all times. Stand up for your son, he needs you and counts on you to be there to protect him and help pick him up when he's been "kicked" down. Please do not let that man convince you he is only doing that to teach your son to be a man...that is only teaching your son on how to be a bully and thats not what you want. I wish you luck Sarah and i hope that it all works out. But you and I both know what bullying can lead up to, and we as MOTHERS have got to stop it from happening. Take care and be there for your child!!
53 days ago
Dump him! You can do better. Step out of the box with your thinking and don't sell yourself short. These things aren't easy, but I'm positive that since you are reaching out for help, your instinct is telling you something you might not want to hear. I'm telling you to listen. Listen to your instinct. Get out. Both you and your son deserve better and you already know it.
52 days ago
Unfortunately, I have seen this one too many times and it does not end in a positive situation. Your fiance is jealous and he is trying to create his dominant place in the home. Your son will eventually confide in a teacher or someone at school, and eventually social services will be called and it could lead to an investigation and removal of your son from your home. I suggest leaving. It is not easy, but your son will respect you and himself more. Ask yourself these questions: Do you really want to raise two children? Do you require the drama in your life? Are you prepared to visit your son in jail, because his anger will come out somewhere else.
46 days ago
PLEASE - PLEASE! No man or woman should be allowed to 'bully' your child...get out of that relationship. Your child is worth more than any negative relationship! Our children are our future, don't have that childhood marred, or allow him to be scarred psychologically for life.
45 days ago
