''my near teen avoids me like the plague and seems so faraway.''

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candle asks:

I have been told that teens, deep down, do really want to talk to their parents. But mine seems to loathe any converstation at all.most days shes in her room and others shes out walking the dog down the woods for hours using our dog as an excusse to avoid a simple converstation, I ask her how her day went at school, she response with ''how do you think it went? Its school.'' her tone is ever cold or cruel, it just seems...well, tired.I have tried making converstation myself, then, when that didn't work. I gave her time to see if she would come to me but after nearly 3 weeks there was no difference.
friends tell me that she's just a young inderpendent child (she is 13 and is in her secound year of high school)
but the difference between the sweet converstation loving 11 year old and the now so quiet and distance 13 year old is enough to keep me awake at night. I know my child has friends and loves to learn but ever since high school something just seems wrong, is she being bullied? please help. I love my little girl and Im worried about her. I want to help but i don't want to push myself on her...

In Topics: Teen issues, Communicating with my child (The tough talks)

> 60 days ago

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Louiseasl

Feb 18, 2011

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What the Expert Says:

Hello and thank you for writing to JustAsk,

Yes, there is a certain amount of pulling away that children do when entering their teen years. However, I always would use my "intuition bell" when I sensed something was not right with my own children. You may want to do the same and make an appointment with the school guidance counselor or psychologist if you truly feel that there is a concern.

Good luck!

Louise Sattler, NCSP
Nationally Certified School Psychologist

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haileycolt writes:

High school is were a lot of people start on the journey to self discovery and she may be dealing with a lot on that level. That in itself can cause a lot of stress which can make a teen not want to talk because there is so much going on in their mind that they are trying to figure out. Just treat her kindly and give her some space she will eventually come around when she figures out what ever she is trying to figure out. However if you suspect that she has become so distant and stressed that she may be suicidal or be resorting to self-harm i would talk to a school councilor and someone so that she can get some help.

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