I am uncomfortable talking to people about anything but I need help.
I can't stand talking to anyone without bursting into tears or having a panic attack, may I add that as soon as I started typing this I started crying. I have recently tried to kill myself and I accidentally let slip to my parents that I did, They don't know that it was the 4th or 5th time I have tried. When I was in primary school I use to cut for fun, they don't know about that either. I have been continuously depressed and hear things in my head telling me that I should just kill myself every day, its this little voice in the back of my head, like my conscience. My school has a guidance counsellor that we can speak to but it is that close to the end of the year, One week, that I don't want to bother them. I go to a school called BDSE where we sit at the computer and talk to the teachers over the internet, This is also another reason that I feel uncomfortable speaking to them, I want a face to face type of thing. I just can't talk to my parents. I don't know what to do. Advice please?
Thank you for reaching out and sharing your feelings. It takes alot of courage to reach out and ask for help and it is the first step in getting better.
First of all, you need to know that you can and will get better. The pain and hopelessness you describe is temporary, you will get through this. Suicide is very serious and is not an option; it will not take away any hurt or pain, it will only create more. Once you realize this, you will no longer turn to it as a way to cope with life, it is not an option and not a way to cope. The next time you have thoughts of wanting to harm yourself pick up the phone and call for support. The Boys Town National Hotline has counselors available 24/7 to listen and provide suggestions for coping. We can also provide referrals to help you find fact to face counseling in your area. The number is toll-free, 1-800-448-3000. You are not alone!
Please also make sure you are taking care of yourself. This means eating right, daily exercise and getting enough sleep. Believe it or not, physically taking care of our body makes a huge difference in how we feel mentally and emotionally. This also means doing something each and every day for yourself. It might be something as small as taking a bubble bath, calling an old friend or going for a walk in the park.
I am sorry for the struggle you have been going through. I would venture to say that you need to find someone you can talk to, and the school counselor would be a good place to start. Even if it's the end of the school year, at least they could listen and give you some advice on what to do from there. If you find yourself suicidal, please call 1-800-273-8255. You can also chat online at the link I've attached. There are people at that number/chat line that can help you and will listen!
Your life is valuable, please don't end it. No matter what you're facing, you can find healing and strength. God loves you very much! I'll pray that you find the help you need to keep going and not give up!