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chellfairy
chellfairy asks:
Q:

Volunteer/chaperones in high school bullying students

My daughter is in 10th grade Marching band. Last summer at band camp, I guess a parent overheard the two boys talking about liking dd and how she won't date them. The parent said "Oh, I see that dd and her friend are still the same B*****'s from last summer. Don't get involved with them, they're just stupid teases."   Several of the boys told my daughter.
After she told me this, I was understandably P'O'ed. I thought I was just going to let it pass, as long as there were no other incidences.  
Last week at a band trip, dd and her friend were late 10 minutes of the meeting. When they walked in, one of the moms went over to them and loudly said"How is it that you can't get to the meeting on time? Everyone knew about the meeting and you two think your so important that you can come in anytime? Now you are not going to know what to do and where to be and will ruin the whole performance for everyone. If you make a mistake you will not be performing. We can do without you. As mom was ranting at the girls, the band director was addressing everyone saying to please know where to be.  The mom looked over at the girls and said "GIRLS!!!!"Do YOU know where you're supposed to be?" Also, I just learned that their son makes comments to them while he walks by, like "I wish I could be as cool as you!! The two parents are married, both of them on the board and dad is president of mom and dads club.  I don't want them chaperoning when my dd is present.
In Topics: Parent Teacher Association (PTA), Teen issues, Bullying and teasing
> 60 days ago

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Expert

Boys Town National Hotline
Jan 20, 2012
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What the Expert Says:

We understand why you would be upset about this, how has it been affecting your daughter?  We hope that you can help her use these instances as learning opportunities to educate her about how to handle people who are not treating you fairly.  There are bullies out there, far beyond high school, and part of getting through the world is learning how to cope with them.  It is also important to try and get it to stop and address bad behavior to those who are in a position to do something about it, but it is equally as important to learn how to help ourselves when nobody will do it for us.  

If after talking to the band director and the principal about the occurence the still allow the parents to chaperone, ask your daughter if she would like to continue to participate in band.  There are obviously things she likes about it if she continues to remain involved.  It may be that the hard things about band are worth the effort if she has some really great friend or positive experiences with band.

If you would like to speak about this futher, please call our hotline!  We are here to help!

Counselor, Dominic
Boys Town National Hotline-A resource for parents and teens
1-800-448-3000
www.parenting.org

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Additional Answers (2)

HelpfulBritt
HelpfulBritt writes:
I think that if the mom is really doing this and you know for a fact, then you need to go right up to the mom and tell them what you feel about it. You're daughter is probably a very nice girl and the boy is just jealous and telling his parents that he doesn't like the girl so the parents may be having childishly about this. If the parents do not stop bullying you're child, I would e-mail you're daughter's band director, let her know that you feel this mom is being really mean to you're daughter, calling her swear words, then I bet her band teacher would be able to help you. If all of these things do not make the mom stop bullying I think it is neccisary for you to go to the principal. The prinicipal will not and should not tolerate a mom being mean to one of her/his students. The prinicpal could probably assist you. If she can not help just have you're daughter quit band, it's not worth it for you're daughter to grow up with a parent who swears very often.
> 60 days ago

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PositivelyMe
PositivelyMe , Teacher, Parent writes:
Sounds to me like your daughter may have a pride issue. Maybe you do too. If she has these high standards and it is apparent to other students and parents, and it is causing this type of response in the other parents, then your daughter is most likely flaunting how good she is. If you had any way of observing her behavior without her knowledge I can guarantee you that is what you'd observe. If you don't recognize this behavior in her, then she is acting just like you. If your daughter had a humble spirit and these standards, guys (and their parents) would have a natural respect for her. You don't go to the other parents to confront them - this brings you to the level of acting like a high-schooler yourself. Teach your daughter to care for other's feelings, be friendly to students, and their parents, while still maintaining standards. They will stop licking their wounds.
> 60 days ago

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