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crazzygranny49
crazzygrann... asks:
Q:

YELLING NONE STOP AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS FROM THE TIME HE GETS UP UNTILL HE GO'S TO BED ...

HE IS JUST 2 AND LOVES TO THROUGHT THING AT PEOPLE MOST OF THE TIME OR HIS FAVERT WORD IS SHUTUP SHIT, HIS; MOM TRYING TO PUT HIM IN HIS   ROOM BUT HE KICKS THE WALLS AND THROWTHINGS.... MOM HAS A NEW HUBBY AND HE DO'S NOT EVEN TRY AND GET HIM TO LISSEN AT ALL AND MOST NIHGT HE WILL NOT GO DOWN UNTILL AROUND 11PM OR LATER, I HAVE TOLD HER SHE GIVES HIM AWAY TOO MUCH SUGGER CAN AN ONE OUT THER HELP US ...
In Topics: Discipline and behavior challenges
> 60 days ago

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Expert

Boys Town National Hotline
Feb 26, 2014
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What the Expert Says:

We are glad you wrote in.  As many of us heard when we first became parents, "Watch out for the terrible twos!"  The terrible twos do arrive for most parents.  Know that you are not alone in this area.  So many parents reach out with the same frustrations that you have. How parents react to the behavior plays a huge piece to this puzzle.  A toddler will begin to exert his own independence at these ages even more so than before.  Why?  Because he is able to.  He can now walk, form sentences, feed himself, and in general do more things for himself.  Of course watching our children grow to become more independent and successful is the ultimate goal as we parent our children.

It is our job to help teach our children the responsibilities, life skills, acceptable social behavior, and the likes that go along with being independent.  One way to do this is by being a good role model.  For instance, when things don't go our way, how do we handle the situation?  Do we throw a dish towel down because a dish accidentally fell and broke, or do we raise our voice to our spouse when he leaves his shoes at the door.  Your child is like a sponge taking in all of the sights, sounds, and behaviors around him.  Your son's favorite word was modeled by someone.  A 2-year-old does not come up with that on his own.  He heard it from someone else.  then, he likely got a laugh when he repeated it.  Why?  His behavior was rewarded with a laugh or some attention.

Ask yourself when do these behaviors occur.  Is it when he is frustrated because he cannot accomplish a task like stack a tower or blocks or get a puzzle piece in?  Or is it when mom gives him an instruction like, "Son, it is time to put the toys away now".  A lot of temper tantrums come from not being able to complete a task because those fine motor skills just are not developed enough yet.  Look at the toys or games that your son has.  Be sure they are age appropriate.  Something that may be easy or a slight challenge for older kids would be extremely frustrating for a 2-year old.  If he is throwing things when mom asks him to do something that he does not want to, there should be a negative consequence for that immediately.  A child his age needs to see that "the throw = a time out".  Mom needs to teach to that behavior. Kids need routine and structure with meals, bedtimes, potty times.  For example, Mom should remain calm, repeat her instruction like put the toys in the box and model putting one or two away herself, if your son does it, he should get verbal praise if not, she can put him in timeout in a chair where she can supervise for a 2 minute time out,  Time does not start ticking until he is quiet though.

The more calm you are and the more consistent you are in teaching/modeling the appropriate behavior, the more likely his tantrums will become less frequent and less intense.  Two good books to look into are Hands Are Not For Hitting and Help There Is A Toddler In The House.  A child his age needs 10-12 hours of sleep at night still.  It would be to mom's benefit if she gave him an ealier bedtime.  She could move it to 10 pm for a week and then 9 pm for a week to ease him into it.  Some night time calming ideas are:  quite time after 8 pm, a bath, reading a few books together, prayers, back rub, soft singing.  Best wishes.

Laura - Crisis Counselor
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