10 Tips for Foster Parents to Help Their Foster Youth Avoid Teen Pregnancy

The good news for parents and other caring adults, including foster parents, is that there is much they can do to help in.uence their children's decisions about sex. Foster youth say they want to discuss sex, love, and relationships with their foster parents, but some are embarrassed or feel uncomfortable starting the conversation. The same holds true for foster parents. They often don't know what to say, how to say it, or when to start. This guide offers some ideas to help foster parents strengthen their relationships with foster youth. It also offers some ideas on how best to communicate about sex, love, and relationships.

Youth in foster care are at greater risk for early pregnancy than teens in general. One study .nds that almost one-third of girls in foster care become pregnant at least once by age 17- almost one-half by age 19.1 Preventing early pregnancy and parenting is important for a number of reasons. Compared to women who delay childbearing, teen mothers are more likely to drop out of school and to live in poverty. Their children are more likely to experience abuse and neglect, enter the child welfare system, be born at low birth weight or mentally retarded, grow up poor, perform poorly in school, and have insuficient health care. Daughters of teen mothers are more likely to become teen parents. Sons of teen mothers are more likely to be incarcerated.

This article provides tips on such topics as the importance of maintaining strong, close relationships with children and teens, setting clear expectations for them, and communicating honestly and often with them. Research supports these common sense lessons: not only are they good ideas generally to promote positive youth development, but they can also help teens delay becoming sexually active, as well as encourage those who are having sex to make more responsible choices and use contraception carefully.

TIP # 1: Build a relationship based on trust and compassion.

Some foster youth have had few positive relationships with adults. Many have been moved from home to home, others have experienced abuse and neglect. Let them know early and often that they are welcome in your home, it is safe, and that you care about them. Show them they are important and valued. In other words, do all you can to build a warm, trusting relationship right from the start. Your foster child will feel more comfortable talking to you about a personal topic such as sex, if they feel they can trust you. Understand, too, that a close relationship between caring adults and teens helps young people avoid multiple risky behavior, including early pregnancy and parenthood.

Of special concern: Building strong relationships and talking about sex can be more complex if your foster youth has been sexually abused. They may blame themselves for the abuse. They may have confused feelings about the meaning and purpose of sex. Foster parents, along with a team of case workers and mental health professionals, must work together with the youth to e.ectively manage anger, teach what is appropriate sexual behavior, and rebuild self esteem and trusting relationships with adults.

"Before you have the sex talk, get to know your foster kids better. Don't start "talking about it as soon as they enter your house. We (foster youth) build trust with foster parents little by little until we get to the point to where we truly do trust them." ~ Advice from a foster teen to foster parents

TIP # 2: Talk with your foster children often about sex, and be specific.

Ideally, age-appropriate conversations about relationships and intimacy should begin early in a child's life and continue through adolescence. Even if your foster child enters your house as an older teen, it's never too late to talk to them about sex. All kids need a lot of communication, guidance, and information about these issues, even if they sometimes don't appear to be interested in what you have to say. Resist "the talk" - make it an ongoing conversation. Remember to talk to both your foster daughters and foster sons. Remember too that both foster mothers and foster fathers should be involved in these conversations.

When you start the conversation, make sure that it is honest, open, non-judgmental, and respectful.

Be sure to have a two-way conversation, not a one-way lecture. Ask your teens what they think and what they know so you can correct misunderstandings or myths. Ask what worries them. Be a good listener and let your teens talk. Tell them truthfully and con.dently what you think and why you think this way. If you're not sure about some issues, tell them that, too.

By the way, research clearly shows that talking with your children about sex does not encourage them to become sexually father active. Also keep in mind that your own behavior should match your words. Teens are careful watchers of adults and are very sensitive to hypocrisy.