About Healthy Parenting

Introduction

In the 1950s, the typical family consisted of Mom as the homemaker, Dad as the breadwinner, and two children, became the traditional American standard. Since then, society has changed and so has the family. Women have more options for choosing when and how many children to have. The head of the household today may be a single father, a grandmother, or a teenage mom.

Family life never seems to run as smoothly as it was portrayed in the 1950s’ TV sitcoms. The fast pace of life, high divorce rate, rising inflation, and job demands tax parents, often to the limit. But parenting help is available from more sources than ever before. With help, both traditional and nontraditional families can create a secure and supportive home life from which children mature into successful, productive adults.

Parenting in Stepfamilies

In a newly blended family, the merging of two parents, children, pets, and the emotional baggage from previous relationships can create a stressful home. Many stepparents fantasize that family members will bond instantly into a cohesive unit that will heal a family torn apart by death or divorce.

In reality, it often takes years for stepfamilies to create new family traditions and to build loving relationships. Some stepchildren, especially teenagers, may never develop a close relationship with their stepparent.

Some of the common problems that stepparents experience include conflicts over child discipline, dealing with former spouses, and worry about how their children will adapt. Children may feel divided loyalties between the biological parent and the stepparent, have rivalry with stepsiblings, and struggle with belonging to two households with different rules and expectations.

Stepparents who take a realistic view of their new situation can build a stable, happy home with time. Be patient and talk with other stepparents who can be a source of support. Social workers can help family members deal with various lifestyle and relationship adjustments when two households combine into one.

Single Parents

The single parent home can be a result of loss from separation, divorce, or even death. In addition, some people are choosing to raise biological or adoptive children as single parents from the beginning. Instead of two parents making the family decisions and sharing the responsibilities, the single parent carries the burdens—and the joys—alone. The parenting and household responsibilities can seem overwhelming at times.

Single parents and their children need time to adapt to the new situation and in situations of loss of any type to grieve for relationships that have ended. Encourage children to talk about their feelings or to speak with a teacher, mentor, or other family member about their loss. Shield children from arguments with a former spouse, and avoid confiding in them about adult responsibilities and issues. Parents often find it helpful to seek outside support to discuss their own feelings and find strategies to cope with single parenthood.

Although the single-parent household has a unique set of challenges, single parents can build a strong, stable, and nurturing environment in which their children thrive. The Parents Without Partners Organization provided these suggestions for single parents.

• Focus on the benefits of single parenting. Children often feel less stress after a divorce if their parents’ marriage was full of conflict.
• Avoid moving children immediately to a new neighborhood or school. Too many changes in a child’s life can be extremely stressful.
• Establish firm, clear boundaries for children and provide consistent discipline.
• Communicate with children about where they will live, when they will see the other parent, and what they will tell their friends.
• Avoid putting children in the middle of an argument with the former spouse by asking them to take sides.
• Do not set time limits for yourself or for your children on how long it takes to adjust to the new situation.
• Develop a reliable support system of people who can offer emotional support, childcare, companionship, and help in emergencies.
• Seek help if necessary. Help is available through community support groups and single-parenting programs. Social workers and counselors can provide valuable guidance and professional advice.