Helping Your Child Become a Responsible Citizen: Activities II

Magic Words, Caring Deeds

Good manners are a part of showing respect for others. Using games to reinforce manners provides children with the practice they need to learn manners without embarrassing themselves—or us.

What to Do

	From an early age, children need to see parents and other adults practicing the manners that they expect children to use.

• Let your child know that respect for others can begin with something as basic as showing good manners, like
  • shaking hands in greeting;
  • looking someone in the eye while talking;
  • saying "please," "thank you," "excuse me," and "I'm sorry";
  • opening doors for others;
  • using expressions such as "yes, sir" and "no, ma'am" when speaking to older people; and
  • giving up a seat on a bus or subway to an older person or a person with a disability.

• At lunch or dinner time, have family members pretend to be eating in a restaurant. Ask your child how he should talk to you and to others at the table. What should he say when "the waiter" brings his food? How should he eat the food? What should he say if he wants to leave the table?

• Line up several chairs and have your child and other family members pretend to be on a bus. Ask your child to show you what she should say and do if the bus stops suddenly and she bumps into someone. How should she carry a large package on the bus so that it doesn't harm or bother others? What should she do if she is sitting on a bus and there are no vacant seats when an older person gets on?

• When your child mentions something nice that someone did for him, encourage him to write a thank-you note. Explain that the note doesn't have to have a lot of words. For younger children, it also can have drawings. After he writes the note, help your child to go over it and correct spelling and punctuation. Explain that taking the time to check and correct what we've written shows respect for the person getting the note.

• Let your child see you writing short notes to others. You might write a note to the mail carrier to thank her for helping you with a large package, to a neighbor to wish her well on a job interview or to a relative to congratulate him for winning an award.

There's a Monster in My Room!

Sometimes children develop fears that may seem silly or unreasonable. Nonetheless, the fears are real for them, and they need to find ways to overcome them.

What to Do

	Children can acquire courage to handle real dangers if they have experience in facing their unreasonable fears. In addition, if we take seriously what are real fears to them, they will trust us and feel safe telling us other thoughts and feelings.

• Listen carefully when your child tells you that he is afraid of something—a monster in his room or a strange sound—even if his fear sounds silly to you. Try to understand what is causing the fear. Did he see an unfamiliar shape under his bed or in his closet? Did the sound he heard remind him of the sounds made by a ghost or witch in a TV show or video he's seen? Helping your child overcome these fears will help him develop courage and self-confidence.

• With your child, come up with a plan for facing the fear. Go over the plan together. Let your child take the step that confronts the fear, although it may be helpful for you to be there. For example, go with him to look under his bed or in his closet to see exactly what he saw. Sit with him and listen closely to the wind. Explain that the wind sometimes makes scary sounds but is harmless.

• Don't let your young child watch scary movies or play violent video games. Research shows that the fear children experienced as they watched a scary movie can last for years, affecting their sleep and other behaviors. Children of different ages find different kinds of movies scary. For example, scary images, such as spooky creatures, frighten 3-8 year olds. Realistic violence, such as things that could actually happen, frightens 9-13 year olds.

• Older children can be afraid of their peers' judgments. Help your child develop a sense of independence from what peers may think and what the media promotes. Support your child in adopting his own style and his own ideas.

OOPS!

We don't always act the way we should in front of our children.