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Introduction
Parents and children often disagree about issues. Sometimes the issues may be small, such as what clothes to wear, at other times they are more significant and speak to a person's beliefs, such as war. It's important for children to develop their own opinions while also learning how to understand and respect the opinions of others. Although children acquire different experiences and come in contact with others, they still value what their parents think. The topic of war can provoke strong reactions and cause people to be passionate about their view. Parents may face the situation where they disagree with those making decisions about war or they may disagree with their children's opinion of the war. The following are some guidelines for promoting an open discussion about the many different sides of war. Parents should consider:
Keeping a developmental perspective
All discussions should be tailored to the age of the child, keeping in mind particular issues relevant at that age:
- Preschool age children may be confused by hearing different opinions, they are most concerned with their own personal safety and need reassurance that they will be cared for.
- School age children tend to be black and white in their thinking. They are in the midst of developing their social attitudes and learning social behavior as they become more involved with peers. They are concerned with right and wrong and often have strict notions about punishment. They will need help understanding the nuances of different opinions, perhaps explaining in more concrete terms how "there are at least two sides to every story"
- Teens are exploring and forming their own opinions and feel they are on par with adults; thus they expect to be heard and respected. Teens are likely influenced by peers as well as parents. Teens often feel invincible, but when there is a war, they may also feel vulnerable and even have ideas about getting involved in the war -wanting to be an active member of the military, worry about being called to duty, or be strongly opposed to the war efforts. Parents should not jump to conclusions when hearing a teen's opinion as teens' views may change many times as they get older and accumulate new experiences.
Reprinted with the permission of the NYU Child Study Center. © NYU Child Study Center.
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