Aggressive Behavior in Young Children

When a child physically hurts another child it can be upsetting to the teachers, parents and children who are involved in the incident. Knowing how to respond to these situations will help caregivers provide a safe environment. Children who are aggressive are more likely to be rejected as playmates and often continue to have problems getting along as they get older. Therefore, it is important for Early Care and Education (ECE) professionals to work with the child and family and teach more acceptable behavior as early as possible.

Behaviors that are physically hurtful

Physically harming behaviors include biting, hitting, kicking, pushing, pinching, scratching and pulling hair. Although these behaviors are often seen in young children, they need to be replaced with other behaviors that are not hurtful.

Why do young children hurt?

It is not unusual for young children to push, hit or grab to get attention or get their way. They have not yet developed the skills to make their wishes and needs known. Children who are in group care are even more likely to experience frustration and con- flict. A child who has limited motor control, verbal and social skills may resort to physical means.

Other stressors that may cause a child to act out are boredom, hunger, transitions, toilet learning, tiredness and illness. Sometimes an ECE environment that is over-stimulating or overcrowded may cause the child to feel the need to defend his space and favorite toys.

A child may also be acting out because of the home environment. Is there something going on at home that is stressing the child, for example a new sibling or a divorce? Is the child exposed to domestic violence or TV with violent themes and images?

How to respond to hurtful behavior

Help children build skills for dealing with stressful situations, conflict and negative emotions. With consistent messages from adults at home and school, young children will learn the skills they need to solve problems without hurting other children.

• Recognize the feeling the child is having, teach the child to use the words to express his feelings. Say, “I know you really wanted that doll” or “It’s hard to wait for your turn.”
• Set clear limits. Tell the child, “You are not allowed to hurt another child here, this is a safe place and I can’t let you hurt others.”
• Problem solve with the child. Say, “The next time you want someone’s toy ask first or offer to trade another toy.” Have more than one of a popular toy or use a timer to help children take turns.
• Help the child understand how the hurt child feels. Say, “That hurts!” Discuss how nobody likes to be hurt.
• Redirect. Take the child away from the situation. Say, “I see you are not following the rules, let’s do something else for now and try again later.”
• Help children learn to join a game or get the attention of another child in a friendly way.
• Demonstrate kindness and be a role model.
• Teach children the words to describe their feelings and wishes. Keep it simple for children who have limited vocabulary; “Can I have a turn?”, “Stop”, “That’s mine!” As the child develops, the statements can become more complex like “Can
  I use that toy after you?” Offer lots of praise for using words.
• Read books, role-play and use puppets to teach about solving problems in ways that are not hurtful.

Create an environment where it is less likely for physical aggression to occur. Look at your space, materials, policy and practice to see if you can make changes.