photo by:
mikebaird 
We've all been there: Your kindergartner does something you don't want him to, over and over again. Finally, you snap and threaten to ground him for life if it happens again. Here, tips for saying something you won't regret later:
| You want your child to: | Instead of this: | Say this: | Which is better because: |
| Go to bed and stay there | "If you get out of bed one more time, I'll scream." | "After you go to bed, I expect you to stay there." | The expectation for the behavior is clear and unemotional. |
| Eat his peas and carrots | "You're going to sit at the table until you finish your peas." | "Remember — no snacks after dinner." | It reminds him that the kitchen's closed, but he can still choose whether or not to eat. |
| Brush his teeth | "No bedtime story if you don't brush your teeth." | "It's time for bed. What do you do first to get ready?" | It lets him know it's time for his bedtime routine without being punitive. |
| Behave in the grocery store | "Stop running now or no TV when we get home." | "Can you help me find the cereal you like?" | It distracts from the negative behavior and offers a positive alternative. |
| Feed the goldfish | "Feed the goldfish or we'll give them away." | "The goldfish look hungry. Here's the fish food." | It reminds your kindergartner of his responsibility. |
| Ask without whining | "If you whine once more, I'll take your trains away." | "I'd like to listen, but I can only understand your normal voice." | It lets him know you're interested in what he's saying, but won't accept the tone. |
| Clean up his room | "No dinner until your room is clean." | "I'd like you to pick up your toys and put them in your toy chest. Do you want to do that before or after dinner?" | It makes your expectations clear, but also gives your kindergartner a choice. |
| Stop tattling | "I'm not taking a tattletale to the playground." | "It sounds like you're upset with your sister. You need to tell her why." | It helps your kindergartner understand that kids have to work it out together. |
| Be quiet in the car | "If you scream one more time, we'll turn around and go home." | "I'm having a hard time driving. I need to pull over until you're settled." | It lets your child know the effect, limits, and consequences of his behavior. |
Dorothy Foltz-Gray is a freelance writer and mother of two in Knoxville, Tenn.
All contents copyright © BabyCenter LLC. 1997-2008
Reprinted with the permission of Babycenter LLC. © 1997-2008 BabyCenter LLC. All rights reserved.
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