Anger Management in the Home (page 2)
Anger is a legitimate emotion. Everyone in the world has been angry and also felt the effects of being around an angry person. Anger is caused by many things; injustice, dissatisfaction with circumstances or self, and frustration at not being able to do or get what one wants or needs. Toddlers show their frustration frequently as they try to master developmental stages. They cannot express their needs in words effectively, but they do know how to wail. Tweens and teens often feel inadequate as their feelings change, and as they adjust from dependent children into responsible young adults. They may demonstrate their dissatisfaction, confusion or frustration by verbal and physical violence, or withdrawal. Angry adults have experience and authority on their side. They can use their anger as protection or as a weapon to hurt themselves and others with long lasting effects. Lance Armstrong stated in his books that when he was a young rider, he used anger to gaud himself into action and win races. People have turned fear into anger to protect themselves when being attacked. Anger is an emotion that can be used for good purposes or it can be used for destruction. Individuals need to understand this process. Anger is an emotion that rises within. As we become conscious of its presence, we have a choice. We can quell it or fuel it.
We need to immediately find the source of the anger. It is impossible to deal with the source objectively unless we quell the effect of the angry emotion itself. If we don’t quell the anger then we are making the choice to allow it to fester or accelerate.
The most important aspect of anger management in the home is for parents to be effective role models. If parents understand their own emotions, recognize anger, and make a choice not to remain angry, then kids will learn, by example and explanation, to do the same thing.
Parents frustrate children. It comes with the job! Kids think that parents are out to spoil their fun. However, if you explain why you create boundaries and stick to your word, kids do realize it is for their own protection and go along with it. One way to be objective when it comes to effective child management is to have created a set of core family values, explained expectations, and appropriate consequences. When a child contravenes the values, the consequence is already set and the parent just issues the discipline as agreed and understood by the child. Kids become frustrated and angry when parents are inconsistent with discipline, break promises and treat kids unfairly. Kids become fearful and angry when parents do not control their own anger, and it becomes a destructive influence within the family. Uncontrolled anger often results in verbal and physical abuse, actions which have long lasting and often irrevocable effects on others.
Adults are well aware if they have an anger problem. They have usually been told throughout their lives that they need to deal with it. Prisons are full of angry people. There are community resources to assist you with anger management. If you, or your children feel unsafe in your home, seek help immediately.
For further information or assistance in understanding and managing anger, please contact us through our website – www.forefrontfamilies.org
Reprinted with the permission of Forefront Families. ©2006-2008 Forefront Families. All Rights Reserved.
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