Can We Talk About Abstinence and Contraception OR is it a Mixed Message?

Children are exposed to many different views and values when they go to school, belong to various clubs and activities, and play with their friends. They recognize which values and views their own family supports, and which ones they do not.

This is all the beginning of critical thinking. Critical thinking is a life skill that all children and adults need to master in order to make decisions in the many challenges faced throughout life. There is no such thing as a "mixed message" if, as a child grows, she/he is taught to consider alternatives, to understand that there are different views/values, and to look at the consequences of various decisions.

In today's media dominated world, the visuals and dialogue continually conflict with what a child is taught and experiences at home. Millions of people in our culture watch media presentations all the time that create illusions that provide varying messages. Children and adolescents often see and hear different views which conflict with their family's values.

Families, schools, and communities provide different messages that a child needs to sort out. Adults have the responsibility of assisting children in this task. Parents have an advantage because they have had many years to demonstrate their values to their teen. They know their teen's attitudes and personality. They understand their teen's history and know the teen's goals for the future. They have had the teen's entire lifetime to impress upon the teen what messages are most important, and which are secondary. We don't give our children enough credit for being able to figure out the values we provide.

It is a very clear message when a parent, teacher, or other adult suggests to a child, "I feel very strongly that not having sexual intercourse while you are a teenager is your best option. It is also important for you to receive information about birth control or protection, so that someday, when you are ready to have intercourse, you will be better prepared to prevent an unplanned pregnancy or disease." This message contains both values-based behavior expected during the adolescent years and the information provided for when the young person might need it at some time in the future.

The belief that we should only send one message to our children implies that it would then be the only message that they would receive. If we are talking about sexual activity and arguing for abstinence only, then, in many ways, we are ignoring the other messages and desires that teens have and preventing them from processing their feelings about the other messages.

The advantage of talking with children about several options is that it helps them to think critically about the situation so that when they are in situations where there is temptation to act in ways that may be risky, they have the ability to consider alternatives and to examine what the outcomes can be.