Communicating with Your Child's Teacher (continued)

• Open up communication with phrases such as "Can we talk about...?" Avoid criticizing and blaming the teacher with comments such as "You should have..." or "You must be mistaken."

• Make respectful requests, such "Could you send home the information about..." Avoid giving orders to the teacher by saying, "You have to..." or "You need to..."

• Use kind words rather than fighting phrases. For example, "Please, could you..." and "Thank you for all you did," go a long way in building a good relationship.

7. Accept differences. Sometimes you may really “click” with a teacher and other times it may seem a struggle to keep the lines of communication open.

• Listen to the teacher to get a sense of who she or he is.

• Hear what the teacher has to say about his or her expectations, classroom, and your student.

• Don't argue with or criticize the teacher in front of your child.

• Don't send email messages written in anger.

• Try to work things out with the teacher before going to the principal.

• If you have conflicts with the teacher, remain calm. Listen, be positive, and talk things out.

8. Be a partner with the teacher to support your child’s learning. Thirty years of research shows that children do better in school when their parents are involved. Some of the most important things you can do are to:

• Help with homework as needed and appropriate.

• Help your child learn the skills needed to manage time and stay on task.

• Ask teachers for clarification on instructions and assignments as needed.

• Talk about school matters with your student at home.

• Ask teachers what you can do to help your child at home.

At the same time, as your children get older, teachers expect them to be able to take on more responsibility and to function independently. Your child likely will want more and more autonomy as well. Help them build these skills while also continuing to be supportive.

9. Ask what you can do to help. If there is something you can do to help your child's teacher, offer to volunteer. Hand the teacher your business card or a note with brief information about what you can do (for example, speaking to a science class about chemistry or tutoring) and how to reach you.

10. Keep the lines of communication open all year.

• Send a note of appreciation to the teacher when something goes well in her/his class, and mention this to the principal.

• Give the teacher your phone number and email.

• Ask what you can do to help with classroom activities, presentations or fairs, field trips, or anything you can do at home.

• Check the school and teacher Web sites (if available) to keep up with what is going on, in and out of the classroom.

Note

1. The author would like to thank the following individuals for their helpful comments: Lisa M. Sauberan, M.Ed., Science Teacher, Howard Bishop Middle School Academy of Science and Technology, Gainesville, FL; Elizabeth Bondy, Ph.D., Professor, School of Teaching and Learning, College of Education, University of Florida, Gainesville, FL.