Cutting to Cope

Editor's Note: Several years ago Walt Mueller addressed the issue of cutting and self-injury in this publication. Since then, the practice has unfortunately become more mainstream and has reached fad status in some areas. As a result, Ken Mueller recently spoke with a number of kids who cut to find out more and to discover how we should respond.

"Reba," a 17-year-old, has a hard time controlling her emotions. She often takes some good-natured joking from her siblings, but she doesn't like it. At the age of 15 she was sexually harassed by a classmate in school for an entire year. As a result she began cutting herself, first with safety pins, then with razors, knives or pretty much anything sharp she could find. She's even been suicidal at times, over little things like forgetting her cell phone. Shocking? Yes. But perhaps the most disturbing thing about Reba's behavior is that she is a Christian, raised in what she calls a happy, loving, Christian home. Like most other destructive behaviors, cutting has moved into the church, and many Christian teens are getting involved. Those behaviors that we have so neatly bookmarked as "of the world" are finding their way into our homes at an alarming rate.

Cutting, also known as self-injury (SI) or self-mutilation (SM), can take on a variety of forms, from actual cutting of the skin with sharp objects to burning themselves, punching themselves or banging their heads against the wall. Cutting has been popping up more in movies, music and other areas of pop culture, and, as a result, it is reaching near epidemic proportions. So much so that "Jessica" tried it a few times but stopped because she felt everyone was doing it: "I saw that it was becoming more of a fad than a problem solver." Though growing up in a solid Christian home, she has struggled with matters of faith, was suicidal for a time and is on medication for depression.

Since cutting is generally done in private, no one really knows how widespread it is, however experts say upward of three million Americans hurt themselves on a regular basis. The majority, but not all, are female teens. Cutting generally begins on a small level. Reba began with safety pins, while Katie began with hot candle wax and dull knives. "Jamie," now 18, started last year with scratching. But like drugs, SI is an addiction. Those who cut generally need to increase the destructive behavior over time, cutting deeper and more often with sharper implements in order to get the desired effect. Reba says that as time went on the cuts went deeper: "I needed more pain. I needed more blood. The cuts that once brought me relief no longer could. It became an addiction, and I just needed to cut … to handle everyday life."

The desired effect for most cutters is simply to feel something, anything. They cut for a variety of reasons, but the desired end result is that it somehow relaxes them and helps them to feel better. Many say they are unable to feel emotional pain in their life and are incapable of crying. By hurting themselves, they are forcing themselves to feel pain. It is a catharsis, allowing themselves to release the pain that is bottled up inside. And doctors say that cutting releases endorphins that actually make the cutter feel good. Loni, a 16-year old, says, "I never talked to anyone or let anyone see my feelings." Like many who cut, she is shy and believes she has no friends. Cutters often don't feel loved by friends or family, and may even have poor body image and suffer from eating disorders. And even those who are well-liked feel like outsiders. For Katie cutting was a way to deal with the emotional abuse she suffered at the hands of her mother: "the scars that she caused were on the inside of me … when I began cutting, those scars she created in me came to the surface."