Disciplining Your Child

Discipline is helping children develop self control. It's also teaching them how to think and be responsible for themselves. It involves establishing rules, correcting misbehavior and encouraging good behavior.

Discipline can be a major problem for parents. Helping children learn to be responsible for controlling their own behavior is not an easy job. Because each child, family and situation is different, there isn't one "right" way to teach children responsibility and self control. Discipline, parenting styles, family values and expectations vary widely from family to family.

Parents can avoid much unnecessary frustration and make their job easier if they understand how children develop and if they have realistic expectations of them. Children gradually develop the ability to do things, and parents need to consider the child's age and capability when establishing rules and expectations.

Following are some suggestions to help parents discipline and teach their children responsibility and self control.

• ESTABLISH A ROUTINE
  Children behave better when they know what is expected of them. Set up a specific routine for bedtime, meals, and times when conflicts are likely.
• KEEP IT SIMPLE
  Make as few rules as possible and be specific - for example, "Curfew is at 8:00 pm", not "Curfew is before dark".
• MAKE REASONABLE RULES AND CONSEQUENCES
  Make sure children know the reason for rules at their level of understanding. Have them repeat the rules and consequences. Involve children as much as possible in making rules and consequences. They are more likely to follow rules they help make.
• REMIND CHILDREN OF THE RULES
  Just setting rules is not enough. Children often need reminders of rules and consequences.
• BE CONSISTENT
  Once you have set rules, stick to them. Give the same consequence every time. Try not to overreact. Be firm, but fair.
• DON'T DISCIPLINE IN ANGER
  Wait until you cool down before dealing with misbehavior. State what the child did wrong and what should have been done and remind child of the consequences. Spanking (physical punishment) does not teach children how to control their own behaviors. It makes parents responsible for controlling the child's behavior. It teaches children to behave well only when parents are watching, and tells them hitting is an acceptable way to act.
• GIVE CHOICES
  Don't ask "yes" or "no" questions. It gives children an opportunity to say "no". Ask "Would you rather take out the trash, or feed the pets?"
• REWARD GOOD BEHAVIOR
  Children need know when they are doing well. Let them know you notice and appreciate responsible behavior.

For more information on discipline, or for other questions or comments, call the Trinity Adolescent Program at (515) 574-6596.

This article was written by Pam Lehman, a counselor with the Trinity Recovery Center at Trinity Regional Hospital. Pam has a Master of Science degree in counseling.