Disciplining Your Child

Discipline and child development begin in the early years. For your baby’s first year, developing a trusting relationship with them is key. It creates the foundation of parent/child interactions through the years. The first three years of your child’s life is the doorway to forever.

Babies have no understanding of consequences, so a gentle but firm "no" is appropriate. When toddlers begin talking and walking, they can be reasoned with at times, but are not ready to control their actions.

Kids get overtired and overwhelmed and have tantrums. Self control develops slowly, and the goal of disciplining children is to build their own self-control.

Parents must remain flexible when using discipline. As children grow, situations change.

Setting Rules and Negotiating

Disciplining a child is not bad …it's a necessity. Often, discipline is necessary to keep children out of danger and help them with situations they’re not mature enough to handle. Discipline teaches kids how to behave, to respect the rights of others, and to follow rules. Children misbehave for a number of reasons. They want to do something other than what you want them to do, and may not understand what parents mean. A child's behavior is a form of communication that needs to be interpreted and understood.

Setting fair, simple rules and state them clearly is important. When you discipline your child, tell them you understand what they are feeling.

Negotiation makes everyone feels part of the solution to a problem. Young children like to feel they have a choice rather than that they are being forced into something. Think carefully about the choices you offer before starting the negotiations. Only give the child a choice when they truly have one.

Choosing Your Battles

Some things just aren't worth the fight. Discipline doesn't mean that the parent always wins. You may feel as if you're giving in, but there are times when you should decide if what your child is carrying on about is worth the fuss. Prioritize and decide what's important.

Time Outs

Time outs works. Time outs teach children that for every action there is a reaction. Time outs provide two important objectives: it immediately stops unwanted behavior and it gives the child (and parent) a necessary cooling-off period. It’s best to start time outs immediately after the incident or behavior and have a designated spot for the time out. The number of minutes the child is in time out should be generally equivalent to his age. So if the 4-years-old, their time out should be for four minutes. Time outs are very useful, but not a one-size-fits-all strategy. Parents should not overuse time outs. Other forms of discipline may work better, depending on the child and/or the incident, however in all discipline, consistency is critical.

Know When Kids Are Just Being Kids

Sometimes, ignoring the behavior will make it disappear. Some children misbehave as a way of getting attention, and parents may unwittingly encourage the behavior they are trying to stop. By repeatedly telling your child to stop doing something, you call attention to the behavior and turn it into an event. Ignore it, do something else and then focus attention on your child when they do the right thing.