Effective and Successful Parenting

Making mistakes is part of parenting, but we have to learn from them to become successful parents. Research on successful parenting summarized by the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development (NICHD) suggests that being a successful parent means being effective, consistent, active and attentive. As an effective parent, your words and actions influence your child the way you want them to. A consistent parent is one that follows similar principles or practices in words and actions. An active parent participates in the life of his or her child, and an attentive parent pays attention to his/her child’s life to know what is going on. According to the NICHD research summary, parents have to respond, prevent, monitor, mentor, and model behaviors in day-to-day parenting activities to become successful parents.

Parental Responsiveness. It means not only giving your child attention, but ensuring that you are responding to your child, not reacting; and that your response is appropriate to the child’s age, the situation, physical and emotional needs of the child, and not too late. To respond appropriately also means that you take some time to think through things before you speak, do anything, or make a decision.

Build a strong but flexible bond of trust between you and your child; a bond that can stand up to difficult times, but flexible enough to survive changes. As a parent, ask yourself do my words get across what I am trying to say? Do my actions match my words? Do I know the reasons for my child’s actions or behavior? Am I being a consistent parent?

Prevention of Problems. Prevention involves not only saying no or stop, but spotting possible problems before they arise, and knowing how to work through problems. To be able to spot problems you have to be involved in your child’s life. Being involved helps you know how your child usually thinks, feels, and acts and will help you to notice when things begin to change. Also, set realistic limits and enforce them consistently, and create healthy ways for your child to his/her express feelings.

Know how to work through a problem when it arises, and understand that each problem is different, and how you solve them may also differ. If you feel overwhelmed talk to other parents, a friend, or relative. Admit when a problem is more than you can handle alone or requires special expertise, and get outside help.

Parental Monitoring. As a monitor you pay attention to your child and his/her surroundings, friends and peers. You also ask questions, make decisions, set limits, and encourage your child’s positive choices when you aren’t there. To be an effective monitor means being able to determine and know who your child with is; where your child is; what your child doing is; when your child will be home or leaving home; and how your child will get there or get home?