Family Characteristics of Children Involved in Bullying

When we attempt to understand why children become victims or perpetrators of bullying we must determine the source of those personality and behavioral characteristics that predispose children to involvement in bullying. A first step in attempting to understand the development of these behaviors is to explore family characteristics because much of the behavior engaged in by children is learned through their interactions with parents and siblings.

Family Characteristics of Victims.

Research suggests that family characteristics vary dramatically between female and male victims of bullying.

• Mothers of male victims tend to be overprotective (Olweus, 1993), overcontrolling, and coddling of their sons (Olweus, 1992).

• In contrast, research indicates that fathers of male victims are often distant (Olweus, 1993) or absent (Fosse & Holen, 2002) from the lives of their sons and tend to be critical of their boys (Olweus, 1993).

It is proposed that the relationship between male victims and their parents predisposes the boys to becoming overly emotional and upset when faced with difficult interpersonal situations and that it is this over-emotionality and poor coping that bullies seek when selecting their victims.

Indeed, bullies do not target children who fail to respond to their taunts, instead they select as victims children who cry or become overtly upset or anxious as a result of the bullying.

• Thus, it is proposed that the enmeshment of the mother/son relationship stifles the boy’s emotional growth and keeps him from developing the skills necessary to successfully cope with the typical upsets, disappointments, and interpersonal strife experienced by all children.

• Additionally, because boys learn from their fathers how to interact with other males and how to deal with bullies (Fosse & Holen, 2002), the absence or emotional distance of fathers exacerbate their son’s difficulties in coping with problematic interactions with their more aggressive peers.

Although there is a good amount of research examining the families of male victims of bullying, there is little research examining the families of female victims. The research that does exist indicates that families of female victims are quite different from those of male victims of bullying.

• Where the mothers of male victims are overprotective and overly close to their sons, female victims describe poor family functioning and inadequate family communication (Rigby, 1994).

• Their mothers are also described as hostile and rejecting of their daughters and as withdrawing their love and threatening to reject and abandon their daughters when they misbehave (Finnegan, Hodges, & Perry 1998).

• Because the mother fails to model healthy interpersonal skills, the daughter has difficulty learning those skills necessary for developing healthy relationships with other girls. Finnegan et al. suggest that these girls then become victims of bullying because they have difficulty regulating their emotions, feeling or expressing empathy, and communicating effectively, all of which may make them easy targets for victimization by peers.

Sibling relationships

The small amount of research examining siblings finds that the relationships between bully victims and their siblings mirrors the relationships seen between male victims and their mothers, in which victims typically report overly close and positive relationships with their siblings (for example, Bowers, Smith, & Binney, 1994).

• Although this sibling closeness can provide a protective role for victims, East and Rook (1992) suggest that this sibling closeness could lead to further social isolation of victims because they are fulfilling their affiliative needs with their siblings rather than with peers.

• Additionally, Stormshak, Bellanti, and Bierman (1996) found that children who had moderately conflictual and moderately warm relationships with their siblings displayed more social competence and emotional control at school than children who had more negative or more warm sibling relationships.

• The authors suggest that when there is warmth with no conflict, the child may not learn the skills necessary to handle uncomfortable interpersonal interactions with peers.

Family Characteristics of Bullies

A good deal of research has been conducted examining parenting styles in families of bullies.

• The research consistently finds that families of bullies are lacking in warmth and closeness and are focused on power and dominance.

• Research also indicates that bullies are likely to grow up without their fathers and that they are often victims of physical and emotional abuse (Olweus, 1994; Strassberg, Dodge, Pettit, & Bates 1994).

• There is also a good deal of sibling violence in the families of bullies, with bullies showing the same types of aggression against siblings as they do with children at school (Duncan, 1999).

• Overall, the need for power and dominance in the family is expressed through verbal and physical aggression between parent against bully, bully against sibling, and bully against peer. The aggressiveness of the bully is not only tolerated by the parents but is also a reflection of the bully’s family values and family environment (Olweus, 1994).

Family Characteristics of Bully-Victims

A similar pattern is found in the families of bully-victims (those who are both victims and perpetrators of bullying) which tend to be high in aggression and low in warmth.

• Unlike the families of bullies, in which all members are focused on power and dominance, the mothers of bully-victims are described as being powerless women who are often victims of domestic violence (Bowers et al.,1994).

• The violence exhibited by the father is also reflected in the sibling relationships which are characterized by bidirectional violence in which the bully-victim is both the perpetrator and victim of sibling aggression (Duncan, 1999).

• The aggressiveness and other misbehaviors of the children in these families tend to go unpunished, most likely because of the mothers’ powerlessness and their failure to monitor their children’s behaviors (Bowers et al., 1994).

Child abuse as a theme

When reviewing the research literature on families of children involved in bullying, a consistent theme becomes apparent for all except the male victim. Bullies, bully-victims, and female victims of bullying report that they are emotionally maltreated by one or both of their parents. Bullies and bully-victims also experience neglect and physical abuse at the hands of their parents and a high level of aggression and violence within the family.

This theme of unhealthy and even abusive relationships within the families of children involved in bullying gives us a perfect starting place in developing strategies to keep future generations of children from becoming involved in bullying.

• Knowing that children involved in bullying are likely to come from poorly functioning families also suggests that one way to curb current bullying is to intervene with the family.

• Perhaps by helping the parents learn more effective parenting skills, their children will learn how to behave in a healthier manner with their peers.

It is important to note that not all parents of children involved in bullying fit this pattern of behavior noted above. However, even though some parents of bullies and victims have healthy parenting skills, it is always beneficial to look within the family system when a child is involved in unhealthy peer relationships. It is possible that changes in interactions within the family may lead to the emotional and behavioral growth of the child which, in turn, will lead to healthier peer relationships.

References

Bowers, L., Smith, P. K., & Binney, V. (1994). Perceived family relationships of bullies, victims and bully/victims in middle childhood. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 11, 215-232.

Duncan, R. D. (1999). Peer and sibling aggression: An investigation of intra- and extra-familial bullying. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 14, 871-886.

East, P. L., & Rook, K. S. (1992). Compensatory patterns of support among children’s peer relationships: A test using school friends, nonschool friends, and siblings. Developmental Psychology, 28, 163-172.

Finnegan, R. A., Hodges, E. V. E., & Perry, D. G. (1998). Victimization by peers: Associations with children’s reports of mother-child interaction. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 75, 1076-1086.

Fosse, G. K., & Holen, A. (2002). Childhood environment of adult psychiatric outpatients in Norway having been bullied in school. Child Abuse & Neglect, 26, 129-137.

Olweus, D. (1992). Victimization by peers: Antecedents and long-term consequences. In K. H. Rubin & J. B. Asendorph (Eds.), Social withdrawal, inhibition, and shyness in childhood (pp. 315-341). Hillsdale, N.J.: Lawrence Erlbaum.

Olweus, D. (1993). Bullying at school. Cambridge, MA: Blackwell publishers.

Olweus, D. (1994). Annotation: Bullying at school: Basic facts and effects of a school based intervention program. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 35, 1171-1190.

Rigby, K. (1994). Psychosocial functioning in families of Australian adolescent schoolchildren involved in bully/victim problems. Journal of Family Therapy, 16, 173-187.

Stormshak, E. A., Bellanti, C. J., & Bierman, K. L. (1996). The quality of sibling relationships and the development of social competence and behavioral control in aggressive children. Developmental Psychology, 32 79-89.

Strassberg, Z., Dodge, K. A., Pettit, G. S., & Bates, J. E. (1994). Spanking in the home and children’s subsequent aggression toward kindergarten peers. Development and Psychopathology, 6, 445-461.