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Helping Teens Answer the Question "Who Am I?": Cognitive Development (page 3)

By Rosemary V. Barnett
University of Florida IFAS Extension

Tips for Agents and Parents

Now that we have a sense of some of the important cognitive changes that occur during adolescence, we can use this information to help us understand teens. It will also help us recognize their sensitive thoughts and feelings. Remember, they are struggling to find their own sense of self, and direct them toward positive behavior and outcomes.

By the beginning of late adolescence, many of these changes are nearing completion. This allows teens to gain more acceptance and ownership of their self-identity. By reminding ourselves of these changes, we can become more sensitive to teen development and treat them with respect, compassion, and consideration that will help them move smoothly through these cognitive transitions.

Parents can help their children by providing support and by being understanding and tactful during these changes. When a teen is being boastful, unrealistic, or hypersensitive, it is often difficult to stop and think that the reason is cognitive development. It is important, however, to recognize the personal fable and the imaginary audience when we see them, as these are signs that they are growing cognitively. The approach to these should be with gentleness and patience. It may be given in a manner that is very positive, explaining that it is "normal" to feel that everyone is watching you, for example, but in reality, they really are not. (They will probably insist that they are, too; so expect this answer!)

It is also all right to let a few unrealistic statements about goals pass by without reacting to them. A smile and a nod can say a lot to a teen about your acceptance of their search for self-identity. This works much better than disagreeing or telling them that they need to get more realistic goals. Once the adolescent understands that you support them, even with all of their fables and audiences, they will know that they can share more of their private thoughts and feelings with you. And this is, after all, what we really hope for in their best interest.

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