Helping Teens Answer the Question "Who Am I?": Social Development (continued)

In fact, time spent with family decreases by about half from 5th to 9th grade, then drops even more from 9th to 12th grade. Time spent with friends increases. Time spent alone also increases, especially for boys. One study found that the average time adolescents ages 13-16 years old spend with their parents was only 28 minutes a day! Time spent with friends, however, was four times greater at 103 minutes per day (Buhrmester & Carbery, 1992).

Topics with Friends or Family

Teenagers change in other means of social development. They lean on their parents as their main sources of support until around 7th grade. Then they move into adolescence and lean on not just their parents, but their same-gender friends as equal means of support. By 10th grade, adolescents lean more on their same-gender friends than their parents. By emerging adulthood (typically college students), they lean more on their romantic partners for their main sources of support (Furman & Buhrmester, 1992).

When adolescents need to talk about their personal feelings, sorrows, or secrets, they tend to go to their best friend or their relationship partner. Parents are not in their inner circle as much when it comes to these topics anymore. They do like to talk to their parents about other things. Usually relating to how well they are doing in school, their career goals, and their hopes and plans for the future. They prefer to talk to their friends about their attitudes about marriage, their views on sex, problems with the opposite sex, and feelings about the opposite sex (Furman & Buhrmester, 1992).

Tips for Agents and Parents

Now that we have a sense of some of the important social changes that occur during adolescence, we can use this information to help us understand teens. It will also help us recognize their sensitive thoughts and feelings. And we can use it to help us direct them toward positive behavior and outcomes.

Parents can help their adolescents by providing support when they need it. This may mean that parents will need some patience and understanding when they begin to see their teenager lean more on their friends and less on them. It is easy to feel a sense of loss over this shift in adolescence when they begin getting advice on social relationships from their friends.

Parents may feel better when they understand that this is a sign of maturity and a natural process. They can further accept this change by knowing that their teenager still needs them. They can guide them into good academic decisions, making realistic career goals, and plans for the future. All very important parts of an adolescent's daily thoughts and all critical to their success. If parents focus on providing the support that they need during this time, it will help their adolescent transition through social development changes with less stress and with more positive outcomes.

References

Arnett, Jeffrey J. (2001). Adolescence and Emerging Adulthood. Upper Saddle River, NJ: Prentice-Hall, Inc. Berk, Laura E. (2000) Child Development, 5th Edition. Needham Heights, MA: Allyn and Bacon.