How to Avoid Comparing Your Children

Ways to Avoid Making Comparisons

You can avoid making comparisons by simply identifying and describing a child’s particular behavior or personality – without making reference to a sibling. For example, you can simply describe what you see, or what you like, or what you don’t like, or what needs to be done. 

• Instead of saying “you always do your chores on time, unlike your sister who always forgets”, tell your child “Wow! I appreciate that you did your chores!”

• Instead of saying “Your shirt is filthy, why can’t you be neat like your brother?” say “your shirt is very dirty, you’d look nicer in a clean shirt.”

• Instead of saying “Don’t you dare call me “slow” your sister never talks to me like that!” say “It’s hard for me to be helpful when I’m being criticized.”

• Instead of saying “Why can’t you follow the rules like your brother?” say “I am disappointed that you did not go to bed on time when the babysitter was here.”

• Instead of saying “You look neat as a pin – your brother always looks like he just rolled out of bed” say, “you look great! I like that outfit on you.”

Rather than comparing your children to make a point, try describing the situation. Remember that whatever you want to say to your child can be said directly, without any reference to a brother or sister. The important thing is to stick to the issue of what this one child is doing (or not doing) – without referring to a sibling.