How Special Time Works With Teens (continued)

Special Time can also provide your teen a way to create times with you that he'll remember all his life, because he was able to be in charge, and to feel your support as he did what he loved, or tried something new. The more Listening Partnership time you organize for yourself, so you can release the emotions that your teenager ignites in you, the fuller your reach for connection with your teenager will be. Genuine caring makes a huge difference to teenagers. Whether they're fighting caring or absorbing it, they need to feel their parents sending it. Special Time, announced or unannounced, is a tool that helps parents send that vital caring toward their child.

There's more about building a close connection with teenagers (and pre-teens) in our booklet, Supporting Adolescents.

This issue's Parent Success Story is a powerful story from a mother who used Special Time for the first time with her 14-year-old son. She did several things just right.

1. She wanted to spend time one-on-one with him, and he could tell.
2. She made a firm decision to follow his lead. The interactions that resulted were fresh, because she lifted the standards and policies she usually enforced, in order to let her son direct the time between them. She kept catching herself, and steering away from her usual responses.
3. She relaxed and enjoyed herself and him.

Not every Special Time yields important insights that make a marked change in the parent/teen relationship. But it's a practice with great potential for improving relationships, and one that can be used to build love and respect in both good times and hard times.

* Special Time is when the parent spends a well-defined amount of time one-on-one with his child, with no interruptions, promising to do whatever the child wants to do. During Special Time, the parent tries to remain pleased and fully attentive, and does not try to teach, advise or control his child unless safety is an issue.

The mission of Hand in Hand is to foster healthy parent-child relationships that will last a lifetime. Parenting by Connection is Hand in Hand’s approach to fostering close, responsive relationships between parents and children. All information has been reprinted with permission from Hand in Hand, © 1997 - 2009 Hand in Hand.