Kids and Pets

We surround our children with images of animals from the day they are born. We decorate nurseries with stuffed puppies and penguins and hang mobiles with dangling bears and bunnies over cribs. There are animals on the wallpaper - sometimes we even paint animal murals. And, later on, we want the kids to experience the joys of having a real animal in the house to grow up with.

But sometimes it's not that easy. If you want to bring home a puppy or a kitten to raise alongside the kids, you're quite likely to find yourself being given the third degree by an adoption counselor at the local shelter. And that can be quite annoying!

A lady who was interested in adopting a dog for her family started to tell me how her oldest son had tried to hurt a puppy quite badly when he was very young. I agreed that extra care was needed and explained that I didn't adopt puppies, kittens, or little dogs to families with very small children. I would, however, place an adult dog who was used to children in that family.

"That's a terrible decision," she replied in a huffy manner. "Children should be around puppies so they can grow up together."

"But you just told me about your son hurting a puppy really badly!"

"Yes, he did. But I still think it's wrong for you to not adopt a puppy to someone because they have a small child."

Children do need animals in their lives, and animals can have a magical effect on children. They provide comfort, companionship, life lessons, opportunities to learn how to care for something outside of oneself, and, in many cases, a healing touch. However, bringing an animal into a family should be a privilege and done in a way that is safe for both child and animal.

As a mother of three children, I waited for my children to be out of the toddler phase before bringing pets into the mix. They were rough enough on me - hair pulling, jumping on me in the bed - and I didn't want them to do that to a dog or cat.

Other families have made different decisions, and in some cases it has worked out well. Wendy told me that her oldest daughter was only three years old when Duke came to live with them as an eight-week-old German shepherd puppy.

"Lacie would pull on his ears, and she tried to put her hands in his mouth all the time, but he never tried to bite or scratch her," Wendy told me.

Wendy and her family lucked out with Duke. Shelters and humane societies are full of animals who failed the kid test. Worse yet, many years ago, I placed a nine-week-old puppy with a young mother who had a three-year-old son. The son had really impressed me, but two weeks later, the puppy was dead. How could this have happened? The little boy had discovered the joy of throwing things. One day he was throwing his toys down the stairs. His trucks and his teddy bear all landed fine at the bottom, but not the puppy, who broke his neck on the fall.

The distraught mother's tears and regret were genuine. She agreed that it would be a while before they brought another animal into their home, and then it would be a large adult dog. She was not a bad mother, and this was not a bad child. It was just a bad combination at that age.

In many cases, the animal is already in the home before a child arrives. This also presents some challenges. Many new parents are nervous about how the dog or cat will accept a new baby, and some even give up the pet to avoid problems. But most families want to make it work for both the new baby and the pet.

Shirley prepared her dog, Tommy, for the new baby's arrival by including him in all the preparations for the nursery. After her new son Milo was born, and before she got back home, she asked Jerry, her husband, to bring home one of the baby's undershirts for Tommy to sniff in order to prepare him for this new arrival.

"I'm so glad we did that," she told me. "Tommy has been wonderful with Milo. Of course, we never leave them alone together unsupervised. Tommy's so big he might do something by accident, and that would be awful."

A couple with four cats were careful to make the necessary adjustments when they brought their newborn baby home. When Jessica was an infant, they kept the cats out of her sleeping area. They also bought a tent top for the crib as added security so that a cat couldn't get into the crib to curl up with the baby. There would be plenty of time for that when Jessica got older.

A recent study reveals that children raised with animals are less likely to develop allergic reactions to animals, so that is an added bonus to having animals already in the house when the kids start arriving.

Animals and children do have a special relationship. They always want to tell you about their best friend, be it a dog, a cat, a guinea pig, or a goldfish. For many children, their pets are like siblings. They are always there, which can make a latchkey kid feel not so alone coming into an empty house after school.

I am a huge fan of children and animals together, but I strongly recommend that parents think it through carefully. The more you understand about what kind of animal is appropriate at each phase of a child's development, the better the outcome for everyone concerned.