Learning to Be a Father: How Do We Do It? (continued)

We have lots of media examples of fathers, and it's all fantasy entertainment. Our life experience shows us that important issues don't get solved quickly in real life. And that being a good father is a lot harder, and a lot more rewarding, than it looks on TV, where the script and screenwriters control the situtations.

What's the Other Guy Doing?

Probably one of the best sources of information on how to be a father is watching friends, brothers, and even strangers parenting. We can learn a lot about being a parent by watching how others do it. We can see if their strategies are successful. We can get new ideas for how to handle situations. If we're faced with a similar situation and we've observed that a certain strategy didn't work out so well, we can choose to use a different strategy.

Watching other dads is good-talking about being a dad can be even better. Unfortunately, we don't typically talk about being dads. When we get together, we're more likely to talk about sports, something in the news, our jobs, etc. This is changing.

As we become more involved in our children's lives, we're finding that we're interested in talking to other dads about parenting. That makes sense. What we get deeply involved with becomes important to us. We seek tips and techniques. And these dad-to-dad talks can help break down our sense of isolation as parents. They can help make us more comfortable being a continuing part of our child's life. And, for some of us, more comfortable being different from our own fathers.

Videos, Magazines, Books

These educational materials are great sources of factual information and advice for being a father. Through these, we learn from experts who have studied fathers for years and can give us many of the tried-and-true strategies for being effective. On educational videos, we can watch other dads in action, learning by example. Even though there is no manual for being a good father to your child, there certainly are increasing amounts of information in or on:

• your local library,

   

• the internet,

   

• bookstores,

   

• video stores,

   

• your County Cooperative Extension Office or State Cooperative Extension Service,

   

• your local mental health or

   

• child development center.

Parenting Classes

Parenting classes are often useful for learning how to be an effective father. Folks used to go to parenting classes when they were having a specific problem. Now, parents find these classes valuable even before any real problems show up.

Parenting classes are useful because they get parents (from various backgrounds) talking about what works and what doesn't work. They are helpful for practicing new strategies and for getting advice on child-raising issues or problems you may be facing. Research shows that when fathers participate in parent training for dealing with children's problem behavior, the positive effects of the training last longer (Bagner & Eyberg, 2003). Many classes now focus on specific groups: divorced parents, single mothers, children with behavioral problems, and, yes, even dads.