Living with Ones and Twos

Ones and twos are truly a challenge to parents and child care providers! During this important transitional time between babyhood and childhood, both adults and children need to adjust to a series of new developmental stages and stresses. While each child is unique, here are some general characteristics of ones and twos:

• They are highly mobile – crawling, exploring, walking, running....

• They understand much more than they can verbalize. This can lead to frustration and tantrums.

• They assert themselves as they begin to separate from their parents. These actions leave them feeling powerful and excited as well as anxious and afraid.

• They struggle to find a comfortable balance between independence and dependence.

• They are very egocentric and enjoy playing by themselves. They can also be very aggressive and need to begin to learn limits.

There are also some common adult reactions to this age group:

• Ambivalence about the emerging independence of the child. Adults can have mixed feelings watching an adorable baby grow into a temper- tantrum-throwing toddler.

• Frustration as the child goes back and forth between needing adult help with basic tasks (eating, dressing, etc.) and rejecting assistance because he wants to do it himself!

• Exhaustion as one tries to keep up with all their energy.

Developmental Issues

All children develop at their own pace which is why some begin walking at seven months and others don’t start until well after a year. These differences are perfectly normal and are no cause for concern. Some knowledge of child development is helpful in determining why a child is behaving in a certain way and deciding how to respond. Here are some of the common developmental areas which are of particular interest to parents and child care providers of one and two-year olds:

Eating – Babies grow at a tremendous rate during the first year of life and often eat accordingly. By the time they become toddlers, their growth rate and appetites usually slow down and many become “picky” eaters. A toddler’s reduced appetite can be very worrisome for parents who are used to feeling totally responsible for and involved in feeding an infant. Trust a child’s appetite at this age and don’t hover or demand that the child eat. Give the child nutritious choices and set a good example. Healthy toddlers will eat when they are hungry and it is best not to turn eating into a power struggle.

Motor Skills – Children make tremendous physical strides during this time and master many new motor skills: standing up, walking, climbing up and down stairs, throwing objects, stacking blocks. They are justifiably proud of their accomplishments. It is appropriate for adults to also show pride in their progress. It’s natural to clap when a toddler begins “toddling” and many little children clap for themselves whenever they master a new skill. Encourage this pride in accomplishment because it, in turn, builds selfesteem and sets the stage for the child to try other new activities.

Children must work hard to master a new skill – running and then tripping, running and tripping again, over and over until they can finally run without falling. Bumps and bruises frequently accompany these efforts. Parents and child care providers must walk a delicate line between protecting a child from harm without hindering a child’s mastery of new physical skills. Provide the child with a safe environment (removing breakables, padding the corners of tables, etc.) and don’t intervene unless the activity is truly dangerous. Encourage persistence by downplaying minor accidents. If the adult says something lighthearted – like “Oh, did you fall down and go boom? Get up, you’re okay” – the child will probably be up playing again in a minute. On the other hand, if the adult makes a BIG DEAL out of every minor bump, the child will respond accordingly.

At this age children learn through their senses, not by reasoning. They also learn by imitation, so it’s more appropriate to SHOW toddlers how to do something than to TELL them. Take advantage of this age group’s desire to imitate by beginning to teach them new tasks – brushing teeth, tossing clothes in a hamper, putting away toys.... Even if the first attempts at a new task may be frustrating for everyone, encourage and praise the effort.

Sleeping – This is a transitional time from the parent’s playing a major role in the child’s falling asleep to the child’s learning some self-soothing skills. If they haven’t done so, most parents move toddlers out of their bedroom (or bed) into a separate room. Parents may choose this time to begin weaning their children, and replacing breastfeeding and rocking with other tried and true bedtime rituals – bath, then book, then bed. Pacifiers and “blankies” may take the place of bottle or breast. This can be a difficult time for some parents because it may be hard to “let go” of baby. Parents should be truly ready to make a major change before attempting it. Stopping and starting a bedtime activity only gives a child mixed messages and causes confusion. Learning to go to sleep by oneself is an important developmental accomplishment which parents should encourage.