Maintaining Harmony at Home

There's no doubt about it, life with visual-spatial learners (or what I call "topsy-turvy kids") particularly if you are an auditory-sequential parent, can be challenging. They have no sense of time, so you're generally late getting out the door. Their organizational skills are lacking, or at best questionable, so you feel as though you are living in a giant collection of STUFF all of the time. They tend to become easily distracted, so chores and homework assignments are often not completed according to a teacher's or parent's time schedule, which can result in significant tension. So, how do you maintain harmony?

Housekeeping -- it's not just a job, it's an adventure

How effectively are you communicating with your child? Imagine it's time for the weekly (monthly?) Clean-Your-Bedroom-Or-Else Ritual. Do you typically rattle off a list of do-this, do-that chores then leave the room believing that your "picture" of a clean living space will somehow manifest itself out of the reigning chaos? And, that it will do so within a prescribed timeframe? Now think about your success rate with this approach. (Not great, I'm guessing!) Next time, try this: work with your child to create a poster or chart of pictures (e.g., drawings you create together, clip art from the computer, photographs or clippings from magazines, etc.) of what the end product, the Never-Been-Seen-Since-We-Moved-In-Bedroom, should look like when the job is finished. The pictures might include one of a nicely made bed with all the stuffed animals aligned. Another picture could show folded clothes neatly tucked into drawers that are still within the dresser, while another picture might show matching shoes lined up nicely on the floor of the closet. Yet another image of similar toys gathered carefully into tubs ... Ok, you get the picture. Now help them get the picture.

One clever mother shared with me that after she and her daughter were successful in creating a perfectly clean and orderly bedroom that both parent and child could live with, they took a photo of it to use as a reminder of the goal the next time the bedroom got out of hand.

I believe all children, not just visual-spatial learners, should be involved in helping to maintain the home from an early age. Not only because scrubbing floors and the ability to do one's own laundry are strong life skills, but because actually participating in the dusting, vacuuming, dishwashing and so on, develops a sense of pride and ownership. I've seen with my children that they are more likely to keep a floor clutter-free or a kitchen table cleared if they were involved in restoring it to a cleaner state in the first place. There's nothing like securing an image of what the table, room or floor should look like than to participate in getting it to that condition!

Getting them out the door! -- with their shoes!

Getting a visual-spatial child out the door can be a daily challenge. There are so many distracting and more entertaining options available. One technique that works, at least some of the time, is to create a mental picture of the consequences of not getting to your destination on time. For example, suppose you are running late to an afternoon sports practice. You could create the following picture for your child: "If we are late for your practice, that will upset the coach and possibly interrupt the start of the practice for all the other kids who arrived on time. How do think your coach will feel? How will the other kids feel?" If they can envision the experience and understand the consequences of not arriving on time, you may actually stand a chance of getting out the door--and, possibly even with their shoes! I have actually had one of my children (who shall remain unnamed) arrive at our not-so-close-to-home destination and ask, "Where are my shoes?" to which I replied, "ON YOUR FEET, right?" They weren't and we wound up searching for the nearest Target store!