The Many Meanings of Family and the Role of Fathers

What's the ideal family for raising well-adjusted kids?

Social scientists have different answers to this question. This issue is one of the most controversial and politicized topics in psychology, family studies and mental health today. We'll present contrasting views about a basic question: Is the so-called "traditional" nuclear family and in particular, the presence of a biological father absolutely essential for the well-being of children?

YES , state a number of writers, quoting research to support their position (Blankenhorn, l995, Popenoe, 1996). They believe that the following functions are best performed by biological fathers married to biological mothers who live together:

Fathers provide role models for their sons to learn how to be a man; girls need fathers to learn how to relate to a man.

Fathers are better able than mothers to constrain and correct boys headed towards violence and other antisocial behaviors.

Fathers teach sons and daughters better lessons than mothers regarding assertiveness and achievement, and provide better formative experiences for daughters in terms of developing the capacity for heterosexual intimacy, trust and even femininity.

Fathers play differently with young children - they are more physical; they challenge and foster independence more than mothers, and young children prefer fathers' form of play.

In summary, proponents of the essential-father point of view see the parenting contributions of mothers and fathers as linked to their sex, with mothers generally emphasizing connection, relatedness, safety and care, and fathers emphasizing autonomy, action, risk-taking and following rules.

Is the presence of a biological father absolutely essential to the well-being of children?

NO, say the critics of the essential-father point of view, who believe that fathers are certainly important, but not necessarily essential. In fact, they believe that diverse forms of family can provide healthy environments for children (Silverstein & Auerbach, l999; Stacey, 1996). According to this point of view, it's not who's part of the family but what the family provides to the children in their care. These proponents of what we'll call the "diverse family" perspective make the following points:

They believe that the impact of gender differences on parenting is not supported by research. A meta-analysis of 171 studies comparing mothers' and fathers' parenting found few significant differences (Lytton & Romney, l991). The research cited by the essential -father proponents can be interpreted in a number of ways, and some of the differences observed may be due to causes other than the lack of the presence of a biological father. An example: a finding that children achieve more in school when their fathers are more involved in general or when they directly participate more in educational activities such as homework could be due to fathers' positive influence; or to fathers getting more involved when children show talent and ability in the first place; or to having two parents rather than one parent in the home - and therefore less stress on the parents and more parenting to go around for children; or to greater financial security which results in greater access to educational (and other) resources. Similarly, the point that many young children may prefer playing with their fathers rather than their mothers may be due to different play styles or to children seeing their fathers less, so fathers are a more novel stimulus.

Critics of the essential-father viewpoint often argue that this view often ignores or minimizes the impact of more important variables — for instance, that the many negative effects on children attributed to fatherlessness may have much more to do with the fact that such children typically suffer more severe poverty than those with two parents. In addition it is unclear whether it is mothers' or fathers' involvement that is critical to children, because increased mother involvement typically accompanies increased father involvement. The critics also believe that stepfathers are unfairly blamed for the impact on children of stressors that predate their arrival, such as the marital conflict that may have preceded divorce, or the impact of a significant drop in socioeconomic status, relocation and loss of friends, change of school, and other disruptions when biological fathers do not fulfill their financial responsibilities following divorce.

Some conclusions about the debate

Both points of view agree that what fathers typically do is quite important for their children. Whether fathering skills are entirely learned or have some biological basis, it appears that responsible parenting figures other than the biological father can learn and enact those behaviors with children.

An open-minded review of the existing literature suggests that parenting roles are interchangeable, that neither mothers nor fathers are unique or essential. What the research (Amato & Rivera, l996) suggests is that children do best when they have a consistent, caring relationship with at least one responsible adult and that optimal outcomes for children are associated with a particular cluster of parental behaviors including:

• showing affection
• being responsive to children's needs
• encouraging children to do well
• giving every day assistance
• providing supervision
• exercising noncoercive discipline
• serving as role models of positive behaviors

In sum, the mental health and well-being of children may simply be dependent on the presence or absence of a number of variables that have a powerful impact on children's lives: economic well-being, access to educational resources within and outside the family and encouragement to achieve, an involved parent or parents, and absence of destructive conflict between the parents.

References and Related Books

Amato, P. R. & Rivera, F. (1994).
Paternal involvement and children's behavior problems
Journal of Marriage and the Family , 61, 375-384.

Fatherless America: Confronting Our Most Urgent Social Problem
D. Blankenhorn
Basic Books 1995

Lytton, H. & Romney, D. M. (1991).
Parents' differential socialization of boys and girls. A meta-
analysis. Psychological Bulletin , 109, 267-296.

Life Without Father: Compelling New Evidence That Fatherhood and Marriage are Indispensable for the Good of Children and Society
D. Popenoe
Harvard University Press 1996

Silverstein, L. B. & Auerbach, C. F. (1999).
Deconstructing the essential father. American Psychologist ,
54, 397-407.
In the Name of the Family: Rethinking Family Values in the Postmodern Age
J. Stacey
Boston: Beacon Press 1996

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About the Authors

Peter Fraenkel, Ph.D., is Clinical Assistant Professor, Department of Psychiatry, NYU School of Medicine, and Director of the Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program (PREP®) for couples at NYU Child Study Center. Dr. Fraenkel is also Associate Professor of Psychology, Doctoral Program in Clinical Psychology, City University of New York, Director of the Center for Work and the Family, Ackerman Institute for the Family, and in private practice. Dr. Frankel has conducted research and published extensively in the areas of couples and time.

About the NYU Child Study Center

The New York University Child Study Center is dedicated to increasing the awareness of child and adolescent psychiatric disorders and improving the research necessary to advance the prevention, identification, and treatment of these disorders on a national scale. The Center offers expert psychiatric services for children, adolescents, young adults, and families with emphasis on early diagnosis and intervention. The Center's mission is to bridge the gap between science and practice, integrating the finest research with patient care and state-of-the-art training utilizing the resources of the New York University School of Medicine. The Child Study Center was founded in 1997 and established as the Department of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry within the NYU School of Medicine in 2006. For more information, please call us at (212) 263-6622 or visit us at www.AboutOurKids.org.