Minimize Stress and Maximize the Gifts of the Season

Parents are warned that a RED and GREEN alert has been declared this month. No, it has not been issued by the department of homeland security. It has been issued by family support professionals who want you and your children to experience positive relationships.

During the holidays, parents, who already have much stress in their daily lives, are subject to additional stressors that can take away from what is “supposed to” be a jolly season. Make a decision to take time to slow down. Read the following. Make time each day for you and your loved ones and your family may experience the benefits of the holiday season.

According to Karen Debord, Ph.D., a North Carolina Child Development State Extension Specialist, stress works like this:

• Small things that bother you pile up or an unexpected event occurs.
• You react and must think about how to deal with the stressor, which may involve the need for money, time, family support, and/or other resources.
• You react to the stress and take action.
• The event either turns into a crisis, or you make a plan to deal with it using your coping skills and resources.

The holiday season can be a time of pile up. The main additional pressures include financial, family, and time. Expectations that are unrealistic will contribute to feeling more stressed. For example, if your family has an unresolved conflict, it is unlikely that perfect peace will occur just because of the holiday.

The following lists are suggestions from family education and other professionals that can help to minimize the stress and maximize the gifts of the season. The RED list includes suggested actions to stop, avoid, or reduce. The GREEN list includes suggestions to consider doing. These are some ways you can turn stress into a plan or action to cope. Don’t forget to use the copings skills or resources that have worked for you in the past.

RED

• Don’t overspend. Shop at recycled or consignment shops if needed.
• Don’t expect to resolve past or current family issues.
• Don’t try to add items to your schedule without letting go of other things you do.
• Don’t skip meals to eat holiday stuff.
• Don’t drink alcohol. Alcohol is a depressant. Sparkling juices can be festive.
• Don’t expect others to make you happy. It is your choice.
• Don’t think you have to be crazy or stressed just because many people around you make that choice.

GREEN

• Have realistic expectations especially about spending, managing your time, and with the people in your lives.
• Learn to say no or delay demands on your finances, schedule, and with people in your lives.
• Give gifts that you can afford which may be “coupons” for a service such as doing dishes for someone for a week, cleaning bedroom, a massage, or other.
• Expect that you and other people will experience the range of emotions from sad, mad, to happy, and joy.
• Spend time with people who nurture and support you and minimize time with those that are not this way.
• Take breaks.
• Delegate, delay, or decide not to do certain things. It is ok to let go of past traditions to embrace new ones.
• Eat regular balanced meals and enjoy the goodies in moderation.
• Get physical including exercise.
• Make time to just relax and be with people you care about and people who care about you.
• If ever there is a time, now is it to go with the flow.
• Give yourself permission, if things are piling up, to stay home and spend relaxing time alone.

Children want presence more than presents. Slow down for yourself. Slow down for your children. Snuggle up and read a good book, take a walk, listen and move to some music, breathe the scents of the season, enjoy a healthy snack, and get your sleep. You and your children will be making positive memories.

ParentLink wants every child to have a safe, healthy and nurturing environment. As a parent, professional or community member you are invited to access resources including a lending library, the website, and/or a toll free “WarmLine” 800-552-8522 to talk to a caring professional.