My Child Is Stealing

Your child does homework on time, helps you clear the table after dinner, and even helps with housework on the weekends. So can it be true that this same child is stealing?

Before you react, it helps to know a little about why kids steal and where to get help.

Why Kids and Teens Steal

Kids of all ages — from preschoolers to teens — can be tempted to steal for different reasons:

• Very young children sometimes take things they want without understanding that things cost money and that it's wrong to take something without paying for it.
• School-age kids usually know they're not supposed to take something without paying, but they might do so anyway because they lack enough self-control.
• Preteens and teens know they're not supposed to steal, but might steal for the thrill of it or because their friends do. Some might believe they can get away with it. As they're given more control over their lives, some teens steal as a way of rebelling.

And other complex reasons can be factors. Kids might be angry or want attention. Their behavior may reflect stress at home, school, or with friends. Some may steal as a cry for help because of emotional or physical abuse they're enduring.

In other cases, kids and teens steal because they can't afford to pay for what they need or want — for example, they may steal to get popular name-brand items. In some cases, they may take things to support drug habits.

Whatever the reason for stealing, parents need to find out the root of the behavior and address other underlying problems, like drug abuse, that may surface.

What Should I Do?

When a child has been caught stealing, a parent's reaction should depend on whether it's the first time or there's a pattern of stealing.

With very young children, parents need to help them understand that stealing is wrong — that when you take something without asking or paying for it, it hurts someone else. If a preschooler takes a piece of candy, for instance, parents can help the child return the item. If the child has already eaten the candy, parents can take the child back to the store to apologize and pay for it.

With school-age kids, too, it's important to return the stolen item. By the first and second grades, kids should know stealing is wrong. But they may need a better understanding of the consequences.

Here's an example: If a child comes home with a friend's bracelet and it's clear the child took it without the friend's permission, the parent should talk to the child about how it would feel if a friend took something without asking first. The parent should encourage the child to call the friend to apologize, explain what happened, and promise to return it.

When teens steal, it's recommended that parents follow through with stricter consequences. For example, when a teen is caught stealing, the parent can take the teen back to the store and meet with the security department to explain and apologize for what happened.

The embarrassment of facing up to what he or she did by having to return a stolen item makes for an everlasting lesson on why stealing is wrong.