New Baby Sibling: What's a Parent to Do?

For the parent to be

• Be prepared. But keep in mind the age of the child. For example, 9 months is a very long time in the life of a 4-year-old. Try postponing the discussion until mother is showing - there will be plenty of time to prepare, use a calendar to mark the coming delivery, or discuss the birth in connection to an established point in time such as in the summer, when school is over, around Christmas.

• Keep everyone involved according to interest - bring the soon to be sibling with you to doctor visits, show pictures of a sonogram.

• Be concrete about life with a new infant - babies aren't born playmates, they don't walk, talk, play ball - they cry, sleep, eat for quite some time.

• Check with your hospital to see if they have a sibling preparation program.

• Don't go overboard. The birth of a new baby is a momentous occasion but children can be bored by constant talk and planning. The siblings to be would prefer their parents were interested in the current events in their lives.

For the parent with a young sibing

• Imitation and role-playing can help the sibling express feelings and adjust to the new status. So introducing a baby doll when you are pregnant and/or once the new baby is home can increase acceptance and provide an acceptable outlet.

• The older child may regress and exhibit more "babyish" behavior - don't criticize or admonish the child to grow up. Instead, accept it and comment that it may be pleasurable to feel like a baby, indulge the behavior within reason. You may want to discuss the difference between the oldster and new born to reinforce the sibling's advanced abilities.

• Pick tasks the sibling can help with according to their age and ability - get a diaper, read a story while you hold the baby.

• Plan special individualized time with the sibling separate from the baby, even if it's just story time or a ride in the car - point out that it's time set aside just for the older child.

• Don't despair if the sibling seems resentful or even disinterested - it's hard to share time and attention. But blood is thicker than water and often the siblings who fought it out in the backyard turn to their siblings most often when older - a shared history is a strong bond.

About the Author

Robin F. Goodman, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist specializing in bereavement issues.

About the NYU Child Study Center

The New York University Child Study Center is dedicated to increasing the awareness of child and adolescent psychiatric disorders and improving the research necessary to advance the prevention, identification, and treatment of these disorders on a national scale. The Center offers expert psychiatric services for children, adolescents, young adults, and families with emphasis on early diagnosis and intervention. The Center's mission is to bridge the gap between science and practice, integrating the finest research with patient care and state-of-the-art training utilizing the resources of the New York University School of Medicine. The Child Study Center was founded in 1997 and established as the Department of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry within the NYU School of Medicine in 2006. For more information, please call us at (212) 263-6622 or visit us at www.AboutOurKids.org.