Parenting Multiples (continued)

Try also to sleep when your babies do. Though it can be difficult to let go of the thousand other things you need to do, remember that your well-being is crucial to your ability to take care of your newborn babies.

Parenting Issues With Multiples

It can be impossible to tell multiple babies apart when they first come home, so don't feel guilty if you mix your children up at first. Many parents leave the hospital bracelets on, or get new ones. Others paint each child's big toenail a different color or color code their clothes. As your babies mature, and their personalities develop, it will be easier to tell the difference between them.

Parents often worry about making sure their multiples develop as individuals. Here are some ways parents can support each child's individuality:

• give them distinctly different names
• refer to them by name, rather than as "the twins" or "the triplets"
• avoid dressing them alike as they get older
• keep their clothes in different drawers
• give them their own toys
• give them separate gifts and cakes on their birthday
• encourage them to pursue different interests and abilities as they get older
• give them time apart

Individuality may surface in a troubling way if your multiples develop at different rates. Especially when it comes to potty training and walking, it may be difficult to avoid comparisons. If one child lags in a developmental area, consult your children's doctor to determine the typical age range for that new skill. But if the delay isn't outside the typical limits, try not to pressure the slower sibling. It's likely that your child is very aware of the difference already.

As kids get older it's important that parents look at each child's strengths and help each child develop a sense of mastery. Also, remember some of these infants will have legitimate developmental delays, which should not be overlooked.

If you have older children in addition to the multiples, it's important to attend to their needs, and any difficulty they may experiencing related to having such special siblings. It's not uncommon for older siblings to feel envious of the attention that the new babies are receiving, and to act out as a result. If possible, it's a good idea to set aside some special time to spend individually with the older siblings on a regular basis.

Don't forget that you need to be taken care of, too. Feeling stressed and overwhelmed is completely normal. Be sure to find time for sleep, time to yourself, and don't forget to find time for your own interests.

Mothers of multiples are more likely than other mothers to suffer from "baby blues" and postpartum depression. Baby blues may leave you feeling weepy, easily upset, or excessively worried for 3 to 4 weeks. In postpartum depression, these symptoms are more severe and longer lasting. A mother may feel despair, lose her ability to eat or sleep, or have thoughts of harming herself or the babies. If you experience any of these symptoms, seek a doctor's help immediately.

Maintaining Your Relationship

Not surprisingly, the demands placed on parents of multiples strain the best of relationships. With all your energy directed toward your children, there's often little left over for each other - yet this is just when you need each other most. Try to give each other breaks when you can, and to ask what your partner needs each day. It can be very helpful to have an outlet for expressing your feelings. Support groups for parents of multiples can help, as can marriage counselors or clergy.