Positive Parenting Tips for Summer (page 2)

For 180 days a year, school counselors work with students on how to express their feelings in appropriate ways, how to deal with their anger and how to cope with stressful situations. But what happens when school is not in session, especially during the extended summer break? As a parent, you are the most influential person in your children's lives, and how you work through family issues can have a positive influence on behavior throughout the family as well as the school. Following are some parenting tips to work on throughout the summer months.

Sibling conflicts: Stay on the sidelines of sibling arguments (unless there is bloodshed) and help your children learn to appropriately express their negative feelings. At my school, students learn to use the "magic sentence." The sentence includes phrases such as "I feel...because,""I want you to..." and "I am willing to..." Example: "I feel angry because you called me a name and I want you to stop. I am willing to stop calling you names."

Using the magic sentence requires practice and parental guidance. It may feel contrived at first, but if your children and you get into the habit of thinking and stating your feelings rather than acting out, you'll find it opens up the lines of communication and decreases outbursts.

Encourage your children to listen to other people's magic sentences and then repeat back to them what they understand they heard. If they think they heard, "You said you don't want me calling you a frog face - even though you really are one. And you want me to stop, but I won't until you do," then they may have to listen (or repeat it again) until they get it right.

Discipline: Children develop security, increased self-esteem and have fewer behavioral problems when in an environment that provides consistency, rules, consequences, praise and positive acclamations. Consistency means your behavior as a parent is absolutely predictable; this is key. To a child this means, "Every time I throw a fit in the store, Mom or Dad will leave the store" If you give in once, it's like a slot machine that pays off. Winning once is addicting. If the slot never paid, no one would ever put money in.

Family meetings: At least one night a week should be set aside for family meetings. These should be open forum in that everyone should have an opportunity to tell how they feel. A family meeting isn't the time to punish or discipline but rather to listen to your children's feelings and concerns and to ask them to listen to yours. Only through open, honest communication can a family increase its positive relationships and grow together.

Parenting is hard work. There is no instruction manual for children when they are born. Therefore, we must try new things, hone our skills, learn from and support each other and give ourselves a break when we have rough days. It helps to have a positive attitude.

Remember these two phrases from Janet Lane and Henry Chester. Lane says, "Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important."Chester says, "Enthusiasm is the greatest asset in the world. It beats money, power and influence."

Trish Hatch, Ph.D., is assistant principal, Moreno Valley High School in Moreno Valley, Calif. She can be reached at thatch@mvusd.k21.ca