Preparing Your Child For A Visit Away From Home

“I’m sending my son for a visit with his father in another state and I guess the true impact of the divorce is hitting me now. I really don’t want my son to go, but I know he should. He wants to see his father, he misses him and was used to seeing him often. I know that my son is a little worried about the time he will spend away from me. Some days he accuses me of just sending him away so I can have a good time. I’ll feel good about having free time, but I don’t want my son to feel rejected. Another concern I have is his father — this visit brings back all the problems of the marriage. Can I trust this man? Will he remember all the important things? I am really a wreck — can’t even plan for the trip or sort out what and how I should prepare my child.”

Whenever summer or holidays approach, many parents call us to talk about the practical side of planning for children traveling alone, and to share their worries, dilemmas and concerns such as those expressedby this mother. Some children are off to grandparents:

“I’m worried that my child will swear in front of my father; he’ll have a fit.” “What if my daughter won’t eat what my mother cooks — that was such a problem when I was growing up.” “ My mother-in-law invited my children to visit her, but she works during the day. Who will take care of them?”

And some parents are leaving their children behind:

“How will I find a reliable caregiver?” “Is it really worth all the effort to plan just to get away for a short time? Once I left him with my very best friend, someone he really knew and liked, and I’m still paying for that outing; he clings to me and cries.”

What’s a parent to do? Here are some suggestions (tried and true) which hopefully will help you plan.

Preparing Your Child Emotionally For A Journey:

“My son, a very social and well-traveled seven year old, was afraid to fall asleep on his first solo airplane trip to visit Grandpa, because he thought he might not wake up.”

Explain clearly what is going to happen and when it will happen during the actual trip so that there will be as few unexpected events as possible for your child. Talk about all the particulars — the plane, train, bus, how long the trip will be, how many stops there will be, who will be waiting when the child arrives. Role playing is helpful. One idea: make a calendar with your child of the days she will be gone and write in what might be happening each day. For nonreaders use pictures. Another idea: write a story with your child about whom she is visiting, what you will be doing while the child is away, and about your reunion at the end of the trip. Hang up the story and read it together. A diary for the child to use during the trip also works well (encourage drawings and pictures as well as text).

Spend some time preparing your child and the people your child is visiting for each other. Show pictures of the people to your child and talk about them as much as you can. This is a good time to share childhood memories if these people are from your youth. Be honest and clear about what the people are like and your relationships with them: