When someone you love dies or is gone for a long period of time the natural reaction is grief. Anyone old enough to love is old enough to grieve. Even before children are able to talk, they grieve when someone they love dies or is absent. Grandparents who are raising their grandchildren and who are willing to talk openly about the death or prolonged absence of the child's parent will help the children understand that grief is a natural feeling. Children need adults to confirm that it's all right to cry and be sad, and that the hurt they feel now won't last forever.
A child's questions need to be answered in language they can understand. Adults shouldn't worry about having all the answers. The most important thing is to answer as best you can and in a caring way.
The following is a list of books for children and books for adult caregivers that may help:
Books for Children
| Author: | Martha Whitmore Hickman |
| Title: | Robert Lives With His Grandparents: A Concept Book |
| Ages: | 4 - 8 |
| Date: | 1995 |
| Robert's parents are divorced, and he lives with his grandparents. When his grandmother decides to attend Parent?s Day at his school, he is afraid of what the other kids will think of him. | |
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|
| Author: | Jeanne Warren Lindsay |
| Title: | Do I Have a Daddy? |
| Ages: | 4 - 8 |
| Date: | 1991 |
| A read aloud book to help caregivers respond to children's questions about a parent they have never seen. | |
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|
| Author: | Tololwa Mollel |
| Title: | Kele's Secret |
| Ages: | Elementary School picture book |
| Date: | 1997 |
| A young African boy who lives with his grandparents on their coffee farm follows their hen in order to find out where she is hiding her eggs. | |
|
|
| Author: | Cindy Klein Cohen and John T. Heiney |
| Title: | Daddy's Promise |
| Ages: | 4 - 8 |
| Date: | 1997 |
| Addresses all the different feelings children may have as they grieve a loved one. (Available through bookstores or amazon.com) | |
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|
| Author: | Brigitte Weninger |
| Title: | Good-Bye Daddy! |
| Ages: | 4 - 9 |
| Date: | 1995 |
| After spending the day with his daddy, a young bear is sad and angry that his father has to leave. The bear comes to learn that even when a father lives in another home, the love and caring never go away. | |
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|
| Author: | Laurene Krasny Brown and Marc Brown |
| Title: | Dinosaurs Divorce: A Guide for Changing Families |
| Ages: | 5 - 10 |
| Date: | 1986 |
| Dinosaur characters depict the range of experiences and feelings encountered by children of divorced parents. | |
|
|
| Author: | Elizabeth Weitzman |
| Title: | Let's Talk About When A Parent Dies |
| Ages: | 5 - 9 |
| Date: | 1996 |
| Gives advice on surviving the death of a parent and suggests what feelings and behaviors to expect from others. | |
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|
| Author: | Jill Krementz |
| Title: | How It Feels When a Parent Dies |
| Ages: | 8 - 13 |
| Date: | 1981 |
| Children, ages seven through sixteen, tell how it feels to lose a parent through death. | |
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|
| Author: | Maureen K. Wittbold |
| Title: | Let's talk About When a Parent is in Jail |
| Ages: | Early Elementary |
| Date: | 1997 |
| Discusses why jail exits, why people go to jail and how to deal with a person in jail. | |
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|
| Author: | Jill Hastings and Marion Typpo |
| Title: | An Elephant in the Living Room: the Children?s Book and An Elephant in the Living Room: a Leader's Guide for Helping Children of Alcoholics |
| Ages: | 4 - 8 and their caregivers |
| Date: | 1994 |
| These books help children from alcoholic homes learn about addiction and teach new ways to handle their feelings. | |
|
|
| Author: | J.K. Rowling |
| Title: | Harry Potter - series of 4 books |
| Ages: | 9 - 12 |
| Date: | 1998 - 2000 |
| Harry Potter, whose parents were killed when he was a baby, is being raised by his loathsome aunt and uncle. On his eleventh birthday, he learns he is really a wizard and has quite a special past and future. | |
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|
| Author: | Ruth White |
| Title: | Belle Prater's Boy |
| Ages: | Young Adult - fiction |
| Date: | 1996 |
| When Woodrow's mother disappears suddenly, he moves to his grandparent's home in a small Virginia town. He befriends his cousin and together they find the strength to face the terrible losses and fears in their lives. | |
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|
| Author: | Richard A. Gardner |
| Title: | The Boys and Girls Book about Divorce, With an Introduction for Parents |
| Ages: | Young Adult |
| Date: | 1992 |
| A warm reassurance and honest answers to questions frequently asked by children of divorced parents. | |
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| Author: | Rhoda McFarland |
| Title: | Drugs and Your Parents |
| Ages: | Young Adult |
| Date: | 1997 |
| How to survive in a chemically dependent household and how to get help for yourself and a parent. | |
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|
| Author: | Barbara Hermie Draimin |
| Title: | Everything You Need to Know When a Parent Has AIDS |
| Ages: | Young Adult |
| Date: | 1994 |
| Facts and information about AIDS for children of AIDS patients. | |
|
|
| Author: | Jay Schleifer |
| Title: | Everything You Need to Know When Someone You Know Has Been Killed |
| Ages: | Young Adult |
| Date: | 1998 |
| Discusses death and the fear of death, explains the emotions experienced when someone you know is killed and gives strategies to cope with them. | |
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Reprinted with the permission of the government of Erie County.
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