It Takes Two: Comunicating with Your Child

Listen

• Stop what you are doing and pay attention.
• Don't interrupt.
• Don't prepare what you will say while your child is speaking.
• Reserve judgment until your child has finished and has asked you for a response.

Look

• Be aware of your child's facial expression and body language. Is your child nervous or uncomfortable—frowning, drumming fingers, tapping a foot, looking at the clock? Or does your child seem relaxed—smiling, looking you in the eyes? Reading these signs will help you know how your child is feeling.
• During the conversation, acknowledge what your child is saying—move your body forward if you are sitting, touch a shoulder if you are walking, or nod your head and make eye contact.

Respond

• "I am very concerned about..." or "I understand that it is sometimes difficult..." are better ways to respond to your child than beginning sentences with "You should," or "If I were you," or "When I was your age we didn't..." Speaking for oneself sounds thoughtful and is less likely to be considered a lecture or an automatic response.
• If your child tells you something you don't want to hear, don't ignore the statement.
• Don't offer advice in response to every statement your child makes. It is better to listen carefully to what is being said and try to understand the real feelings behind the words.
• Make sure you understand what your child means. Repeat things to your child for confirmation.

Put It Into Practice

With your child, watch a TV show that portrays a family. Start a discussion with him or her about how the family members communicate with each other.

Additional Resources

• National PTA: Opening Doors
• Medem Medical Library/American Academy of Pediatrics: Building Healthy Family Communication
• American Academy of Pediatrics: Communication Do's and Don'ts