Taking "Three Looks"

This fall, NFI will release a new brochure to help men think about one of the most important decisions of their lives – whether or not to become a father.

Two versions of the brochure will be made available. One version will be for men who are at the “average age” of becoming a dad – mid-twenties to early thirties. The other will be specialized for teens. In both versions, the brochure will be filled with practical advice to get men asking the right questions about what it means to become a father.

The advice will focus on the “three looks” that every man must take before bringing a new life into the world: look in, look out, and look up. “Looking in” helps a man assess who he is and helps him determine if he is ready for the lifelong commitment of being a father. “Looking out” helps a man understand how family and culture will impact his role as a father. “Looking up” helps a man assess his values and morals to ensure that he can set the proper moral “compass” for his children.

All of the practical advice in the brochures fits into one or more of the “three looks,” providing a sturdy foundation for any man who is pondering fatherhood. Here is a sneak preview of the things that guys will find helpful in the upcoming 12 Questions to Ask Before Becoming A Father brochure, taken from the regular version.

Are you ready to commit for life to the likely mother of your children?

Perhaps the most vital factor that will affect the relationships you will have with your kids is the quality of the relationship that you have with the mother of your kids. Whether you will marry her or not, you will be linked to her for life because you will have kids together. But think hard about marrying her. Children with married parents are healthier, on average, than are children without married parents. Your kids will do best when your and the mother’s goals are aligned. A good marriage will tend to align your and the mother’s goals for the good of your kids. Besides, marriage is good for men. Married men, on average, are healthier, have better and more sex, and live longer, fuller, and happier lives than do unmarried men.

What’s your own “fathering history?”

Men who have had a good relationship with their fathers tend to model the way their fathers raised them. Men who have had a poor or no relationship with their fathers try to do what their fathers did not do for them – they “re-work” the poor model they had. It’s vital that you ask how your relationship with your father will affect the kind of father you will be.

Do you know that kids spell love “T-I-M-E?”

Kids spell love “T-I-M-E.” Your kids will need your presence, attention, and time. Commit the time you will need to the job of being a good father. Your kids will measure the quality of your relationship with them by the quantity of time (how much time) that you spend with them. So, figure out how you will balance work and family time so that you can spend time with your kids.

To see all of the National Fatherhood Initiative's quarterly newsletter's, go to https://www.fatherhood.org/ftnewsletter.asp.