Children Learn about Sexuality within a Variety of Family Structures
The love, respect, and communication involved in helping children become healthy adults-including sexually healthy adults-is the result of long-term family nurturing combined with comprehensive education. Such family nurturing comes in many forms, all seeking the same result: to provide loving, caring, and valueoriented guidance to children. While many people agree that parents and caregivers are the primary sexuality educators of their children, extended families can play an important role in sharing values and information, as well as providing support. This issue of Families Are Talking will take a closer look at family diversity to help provide information and assistance for families to communicate about sexuality issues.
Families May Experience Challenges to Communicating about Sexuality
Cultural values and traditions may help or hinder family communication about sexuality-related issues. Economics can also play a role, affecting the time and energy that parents and caregivers have for their children. Parents and caregivers who face these and other challenges that make it difficult to address sexuality issues with their children can:
- Provide young people with pamphlets, books, videos, and other resources that address sexuality-related issues. You can find these materials in libraries, bookstores, community-based organizations, schools, and on the Internet.
- Identify (with your child) trusted adults who can talk with your child about sexuality issues; these might include extended family or trusted neighbors.
- Contact the local school or faith- and community- based organizations to serve as support networks
Reducing Risky Behaviors among Young People of Color
In the United States, African-American and Latino young people are disproportionately affected by HIV infection, sexually transmitted diseases, and teen pregnancy. While the reasons for this are varied and complex, we know that family structure, cultural values, and socio-economic status are some of the factors that can affect young people's behavior. Several recent studies also suggest that parental involvement and parent-child communication may reduce high-risk behaviors among youth. The research suggests that among African-American youth, the following can reduce risky behaviors:
- Parental support and family problem-solving skills
- Teens having good relationships with their mothers
- Teens feeling a part of (or doing well in) school and having high educational/occupational achievement and/or aspirations
W. A. Leigh, J. L. Andrews, D. H. Lee, and E. Chang, Reproductive Health Knowledge/Attitudes, Behaviors, and Outcomes Among African American Adolescents: A Literature Review (Washington, DC: Joint Center for Political and Economic Studies, 2002, forthcoming).
The research suggests that among Latino youth, the following can reduce risky behaviors**:
- Parental monitoring
- Parents who convey their desire for their child to delay sexual activity
- Nurturing family environment
- Quality communication about sexuality
A. K. Driscoll, M. A. Biggs, C. D. Brindis, and E. Yankah, "Adolescent Latino Reproductive Health: A Review of the Literature," Hispanic Journal of Behavioral Sciences, vol. 23, no. 3, pp. 255-326.
Family Members Who Teach Young People about Sexuality
Young people 8 to 15 years of age say they learn "a lot" from their mothers (58 percent) and fathers (38 percent), and "a little" from other people in their family (42 percent) about sexuality, drugs and alcohol, violence, and respecting people who are different.
- Talking with Kids about Tough Issues (Menlo Park, CA: Kaiser Family Foundation and Children Now, 1999).
Young people 10 to 15 years of age say their peers find out "a lot" from mothers (38 percent), fathers (31 percent), and brothers and sisters (23 percent) about issues like sexuality, AIDS, alcohol and drugs, and violence.
Parents of young people 10 to 15 years of age say that mothers (74 percent), fathers (61 percent), and brothers and sisters (49 percent) have "a lot" of influence on issues like sexuality, AIDS, alcohol and drugs, and violence.
- Talking with Kids about Tough Issues (1999).
Families Are Talking is a quarterly newsletter supported by a grant from The Annie E. Casey Foundation. It contains information to help families communicate about sexuality-related issues.
- Talking with Kids about Tough Issues: A National Survey of Parents and Kids (Menlo Park, CA: Kaiser Family Foundation, 2001).
What Are Your Family Values?
An Activity for Young People to Communicate with Parents and Caregivers
Each family has its own values about many subjects, including sexuality. Some family values are based on religion and/or culture. Other family values are based on life experiences. Often, family "messages" about sexuality are values. Sometimes we learn about family values by asking family members how they feel about something. Other times, we learn about family values during casual conversations and interactions with family members.
Initiate conversations with your parent(s)/caregiver(s) or another trusted adult about your family's values. Here are some questions to help you begin a conversation.
- How did you learn about sexuality?
- With whom did you discuss sexuality-related issues?
- Did you like the way you learned about sexuality?
- What would you have wanted to be different?
- Where do you think your values about sexuality come from? How did you learn them?
- What are our family's values about _________________? (Fill in the blank with topics
- that you are curious about. These might include privacy, dating,
- marriage, abstinence, sexual activity, contraception, and pregnancy).
There Are Many Types of Families
Families are as diverse as the world around us. Mothers and fathers head some households; other homes have one parent. Some have two moms; others have two dads. Parents, step-parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, older brothers, older sisters, cousins, and guardians can also take care of us. Sometimes we live with biological family members. Other times we live with foster families or families that adopt us. The fact remains that all these people teach us about life and sexuality.
Did You Know...
In 1996, 50.7 million children under 18 years of age lived with both parents.
- Living Arrangements of Children, Current Populations Report (Washington, DC: U.S. Census Bureau, April 2001). In 1996, 1.5 million children under 18 years of age lived in unmarried-couple families.
- Living Arrangements of Children (April 2001). In 1996, 18.2 million children under 18 years of age lived with one unmarried parent.
- Living Arrangements of Children (April 2001). In 1996, 4.9 million children under 18 years of age lived with at least one step-parent.
- Living Arrangements of Children (April 2001). In late 2002, the U.S. Census Bureau hopes to release a Census 2002 brief that addresses the number of same-sex households with children under the age of 18.
- Fertility and Family Statistics Branch (Washington, DC: U.S. Census Bureau). In 1996, 27.7 million children under 18 years of age lived with one sibling; an additional 24.3 million lived with two or three siblings.
- Living Arrangements of Children (April 2001). In 1996, 10.3 million children under 18 years of age lived in an extended household containing at least one person (of any age) other than a member of their nuclear family (parents and siblings).
- Living Arrangements of Children (April 2001). In 1996, 1.3 million children under 18 years of age lived with their grandparents in households without any parents present.
- Living Arrangements of Children (April 2001). In 1996, 2.6 million children under 18 years of age lived with neither of their parents. Of which, 0.3 million children lived with one or more foster parents.
- Living Arrangements of Children (April 2001). In 1996, 1.5 million children under 18 years of age lived with adoptive parents.
- Living Arrangements of Children (April 2001). In 1990, almost 2 million children were a different race than one or both parents.
- 1990 Census of Population and Housing (Washington, DC: U.S. Census Bureau, online release 1998). In 2000, the number of families living in poverty was 6.2 million.
- United States Department of Commerce News (Washington, DC: U.S. Census Bureau, 2001). Family households maintained by women with no husband present experienced a four percent increase in real income between 1999 and 2000, to $28,116. Other types of households experienced no significant change in their median household income of $42,148.
- United States Department of Commerce News (2001). Real Lif In 1996, 50.7 million children under 18 years of age lived with both parents.
- Living Arrangements of Children, Current Populations Report (Washington, DC: U.S. Census Bureau, April 2001).
Teens Talk about Family, Sexuality, And Real Life
SIECUS recently asked a group of 15 to 18 year olds in a suburban community in Missouri and a group of 14 to 17 year olds in Washington, DC, for their take on family, sexuality, and real life. SIECUS would like to thank the young people who generously shared their thoughts with us as well as the educators who helped us gather this information.
What does "family" mean to you?
"Family means having someone loving you no matter what and taking care of you, too."
"A family is a big part of my life. They get me through things. Without them, I don't know what I would do."
"People who love and care for me and always trust me."
"The people around you who support you."
"Family is my support system. They are my friends who hold me together."
"People that care about you and get you through the hard times."
"I've never had a true family. I don't know what family means."
What is special about your family?
"They support me and each other."
"They listen to me and understand."
"We are very close and talk a lot."
"They care."
"We have many special traditions and customs."
"They respect my privacy." "We're all different."
Who in your family do you feel most comfortable talking to about sexuality issues?
"I don't have a sister, so I would want to talk to a girl. I would want to talk to my mom or my cousin who's older than me but knows what it is like in my generation. I also have an aunt who I feel comfortable talking with."
"My mom. We are close. And even if it's a bit awkward, we're both open to each other's opinions and feelings."
"My mom or brother. I am comfortable with them. I am comfortable with my dad but not about sexual issues-he doesn't want me to grow up."
"No one because they wouldn't care."
"Someone other than my parents because they don't feel comfortable talking about it."
"My uncle. He is closest to me, and I look up to him."
"My parents. I can tell them what I feel, and they don't judge me."
"My sister. She was the one who told me about sex when I was little. Plus, she'll answer any questions that I have without making me feel stupid or accusing me of doing those things."
"I don't feel comfortable talking to my family or grown-ups about sex. I feel most comfortable talking with my peers."
"My grandpa. He doesn't judge me."
What messages do you receive from your family about sexuality?
"That I should wait 'til I am older, but it is my choice."
"Sex is evil."
"Wait to have sex with the right person and use protection."
"Not to have an abortion and to wait until marriage to have sex."
"Sexuality is natural."
"It's a gift but also a responsibility."
"That it is something that everyone is into, but it shouldn't be talked about."
What messages have you received from your grandparent(s) about sexuality?
"My grandma likes that I date, but she hopes I don't have sex until I'm married."
"That it's 'dirty' and not to be talked about around them."
"Wait for the right person."
"Don't let anybody pressure you to have sex."
"That you shouldn't have sex until you're married."
"Always carry a condom."
Promoting Quality Time For Families
A committee of Ridgewood, NJ, residents recently promoted "Ready, Set, Relax," a night dedicated to providing families with an opportunity to spend quality time together. Schools helped by not giving homework assignments that night. One parent said that "while we enjoy spending time together as a family, this event made us realize that we really need to make time to spend together. Now, we set aside time every week." After hearing about "Ready, Set, Relax," the residents of Bergenfield, NJ, decided to expand on the idea by introducing the first Bergenfield Family Festival Week. The weeklong event included a community basketball game, a free family dinner, an arts and crafts night at a local church, and discounts at local restaurants and movie refreshment stands.
Advocate for and Plan a Similar Event in Your Community
- Contact your school superintendent, principal, PTA, and mayor. Encourage all of them to help coordinate a local family event.
- Form a committee of parents/caregivers, young people, and other community members to help organize the event.
- Sponsor activities and provide resources for families to communicate about sexuality-related issues and share their family values. Be sure that the activities and resources are reflective of the cultures, languages, races, and ethnicities represented in your community. On a small budget, your community may:
- host a parent-child communication workshop at the local school or library
- provide parents and caregivers with flyers, pamphlets, and other resources
- sponsor a contest that involves family participation On a large budget, your community may:
- provide a hotline offering information and referrals for parents and teens
- publish a community newsletter
- create a media campaign
- Suggest family activities that can provide "teachable moments"-everyday moments that make it easy to address important topics and share family values including:
- Taking a trip to the bookstore or library
- Sharing an ice cream sundae
- Having a picnic in the park
- Enjoying a day at the zoo
- Taking a walk along the beach
- Shopping at the mall
- Riding in the car, bus, or train
- Watching TV or a movie
- Walking through a museum
- Playing a board or video game
- Sponsor programs to help parents/caregivers and their children communicate about sexuality-related issues and share their family values.
- Make sure your program is reflective of your community-in terms of culture, race, ethnicity, age, sexual orientation, family structure, socioeconomic status, language, and communication skills
- Make your program convenient-both in terms of time and location
- Go to where parents/caregivers are to recruit and offer your program-the workplace, faith communities, schools, community centers, beauty salons, grocery stores, laundromats, support groups, health care clinics, treatment centers, unemployment and social service offices, and libraries
- Keep it short and simple
- Make it fun and engaging
- Create a comfortable and intimate setting
- Use interactive ice-breakers to increase comfort
- Involve other community members in the planning process
- Provide incentives for families to attend the program such as stipends, gift certificates, time off, transporta- tion reimbursement, child care, food, or certificate of completion
- Contact your local newspapers, magazines, radio stations, and television networks to help promote the event.
For more information about programs to encourage parent-child communication about sexuality-related issues, contact SIECUS' Family Project at 212/819-9770.
Celebrate Memorial Day! Worksheets and Activities About American History 
May Workbooks are Here! 
Get Outside! 10 Playful Activities 
