Talking With Young Children About Alcohol

Suggestions for talking with your children about alcohol

When your children are in Preschool:

• Begin to talk about what alcohol is, and what part it plays in your family. It is less important that you initiate these conversations, than it is to be open to the questions and comments of your preschooler.

• Now is the time to carefully examine your own values about alcohol. When, if ever, is drinking permissible in your family? Deciding as parents on the occasions when alcohol is acceptable, as well as the frequency and amount of alcohol use that is allowed, will help present a clear message to your children.

• Begin now to create an environment where your children feel comfortable asking questions and discussing feelings. Being supportive and interested in their lives in the preschool years will lay a strong foundation for helping them make responsible decisions later.

• Learn to "read" each of your children and understand their cues when they are troubled and unhappy. It is important to respond to these cues as well. It is helpful for preschoolers to learn to trust parents when problems occur, and it is a good habit to achieve long before adolescence!

When your children are in Elementary School:

• Begin a more realistic discussion of the risks of alcohol use and its effects. By mid-elementary school, it is important to initiate discussions about alcohol if these conversations haven't already come up. Discuss both facts about alcohol use, as well as your values. 

• When talking about alcohol, be realistic. Exaggerating the dangers is not effective. Be open to discussing both the potential risks and benefits of alcohol, and be clear about what your own values are.

• Examine your own behaviors about drinking. Realize that your children will most likely adopt these behaviors.

• Think about ways that you can give your children chances to make meaningful choices, gain responsibility, and learn about consequences to their actions. Drugs and alcohol are not good areas for teenagers to learn or practice beginning decision-making skills.

• Don't be naive and assume that children in elementary school are not using alcohol, or assume that your child would never be part of it. Stay involved in your child's life and be aware of where they spend their time.

• Inform your children that the use of alcohol or drugs will not be tolerated under any circumstances.

As your children enter adolescence:

• Be supportive of your adolescent. Be involved with and praise their activities and accomplishments. Many research studies have found that adolescents who describe their parents as supportive, encouraging, and affectionate are much less likely to drink.

• Monitor who your teen becomes friends with and get to know their parents. Most teenage drinking occurs in someone's home.

• Know where your teen is, and set clear limits about their activities. Unstructured activities are often associated with drinking.

• Watch for loneliness and depression during adolescence. Although occasional moodiness is normal, prolonged depression is not a normal part of adolescence, and it often leads to substance abuse for adolescents.

• Think about making a pact with your teenager to abstain from alcohol until reaching age 21. Most adolescents don't "buy" the argument that reaching a certain age makes certain behaviors okay.

Publication Date: April, 1998