Teach, Listen, Believe, Respond

Women and children often are taught to be polite before all else. Children are taught to listen to authority figures, to do what they're told, to not disobey. But this attitude can be fatal. Dangerous people will use these lessons against women and children. If someone doesn't accept your very first "no" or your very first "stop," if he says or hints that you're being rude, that you're no fun, that you're disobeying, that God will hate you for not doing something, that he loves you more than anyone else, that you are special, that he has a secret for you to keep -- consider that these may be ploys to change your behavior to his advantage.

Don’t be afraid to ask questions – of teachers, principals, church officials, daycare providers, baby-sitters, your child’s friends, the friends’ parents, and of relatives. You have the right to determine what happens with your child. Ask if there’s a gun at the house and where it is. Ask about problems at the daycare. Don’t be afraid. This is information you need to have. And if your gut says the answer you got is a lie, incomplete or unacceptable, go with your gut.

Talk to your child – listen to your child. Start early (age 2) to teach your child what he or she needs to know, and then – when your child has something to tell you – listen, believe and respond. Resist the temptation to talk your child out of what he or she is saying. Make sure your child knows -- really knows -- that you will always listen to him and take him seriously. And make sure he also absolutely believes that you'll love him and accept him and want him back, no matter what happens to him -- and no matter what he's coerced or enticed into doing.

If your child is having bad dreams -- or if you are -- pay attention to them. When we sleep, our fears and intuitions often present themselves in the form of a dream or nightmare.

How Old Does a Child Need to Be in Order to Stay Alone? Don't assume that when your child understands what you're saying, he's ready to walk out the door by himself. Besides the fact that many states have laws against leaving children of certain ages alone (for example, younger than 12), experts say children shouldn't be left by themselves until they're capable of fighting off an abductor or handling a crisis situation. Experts also say children do not have the mental maturity to cross busy streets by themselves until they're about 10 or 12 years old (did you know that pedestrian injuries rank third in child fatalities, behind traffic accidents and drownings?). Finally, parents who are certain their young children would never walk away with a stranger will be shocked to learn that studies show they probably will.