Craving acceptance and popularity is as much a part of being a teen as wanting to get behind the wheel or hoping to catch the eye of the crush du jour. But a group of researchers recently found that how teen girls perceive themselves socially can affect their outside appearances, too — and in surprising ways.
Looking at questionnaires given to almost 4,500 girls (ages 12 to 18) over a 2-year period, a new study shows that those who felt like they were unpopular were more likely to gain weight excessively.
The girls were asked to pinpoint where, on a picture of 10-rung social ladder, they would place themselves when it comes to their own popularity in relation to their peers. They were asked: "At the top of the ladder are the people in your school with the most respect and the highest standing. At the bottom are the people who no one respects and no one wants to hang around with. Where would you place yourself on the ladder?"
The researchers then used the information the girls provided to calculate their body mass index (or BMI, which estimates a person's body fat using height and weight measurements).
Over the 2-year follow-up period, those girls who felt less socially accepted at the start of the study were significantly more likely to gain an excessive amount of weight than girls who considered themselves popular at the start of the study. This, say the researchers, may mean that girls' self-esteem and how they look at themselves in the social hierarchy of school can have a significant effect on their weight over time.
What This Means to You
The pre-teen and teen years are often a time for kids to figure out how they want to fit in and how they want to stand out. And it's natural for kids to identify with — and compare themselves with — their peers as they consider how they'd like to be (or think they should be).
And, although being part of the "in" group may seem like the best possible place to be on the social ladder to children and teens, you can help keep their views about popularity in perspective:
Ask about their school's cliques and social dynamics. Discuss who's "in" and who's "out" (and why they think that is) and what happens when kids are "out" — are they ignored, shunned, bullied? Find out about the school's cliques and which group(s) your kids think they're a part of. Ask teachers, guidance counselors, or other school officials about the social climate, too. Challenge kids to think and talk about how their peers interact with each other and whether they're proud of their own in-school behavior.
Foster out-of-school friendships. Get them involved in extracurricular activities like art class, martial arts, dance, community sports, horseback riding, language study, mentoring, volunteer work — any activity (or even part-time job) that gives them an opportunity to create another social group and learn new skills they can enjoy and feel proud of.
Find the right fit — don't just fit in. Ask kids to think about their values and interests, and how those things really fit in with their group of friends. Let them know it's OK to stay true to themselves — even if it seems "uncool."
Keep social circles open and diverse. Encourage kids to be friends with people they like and enjoy from all kinds of different settings, backgrounds, ages, and interests.
Encourage sensitivity to others and not just going along with a group. Acknowledge that it can be difficult to stand out, but that ultimately they're responsible for what they say and do.
Emphasize that what's most important is making true friends. Encourage bonds with people they can confide in, laugh with, and trust, who respect their opinions, interests, and choices, no matter how different they are. And the real secret to being "popular" is for your kids to be the kind of friend they'd like to have: respectful, fair, supportive, caring, trustworthy, and kind.
When it comes to influencing kids' social standing at school, parents' hands are often tied. But how kids perceive themselves — and how they fit into the grand scheme of things in school and out — can affect how others perceive them, too.
To keep kids' self-esteem in tip-top shape, be generous with your affection, attention, encouragement, positive reinforcement, and unconditional love. Really listen to their opinions and show a genuine interest in their lives — not just as your kids, but as ever-maturing people with their own goals, worries, hopes, and dreams. And acknowledge and redirect their false negative beliefs about themselves. Let your kids know that you care and you're always there — and that, in your eyes, they're the most important, most popular people in your life.
Source: "Subjective Social Status in the School and Change in Adiposity in Female Adolescents," Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine, January 2008.
photo by:
Nicole Makauskas 
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