Ten Tips for Parents of a Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, or Transgender Child

The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and not necessarily those of Advocates for Youth.

1. Engage with your child. Your gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender (GLBT) child requires and deserves the same level of care, respect, information, and support as non-GLBT children. Ask questions, listen, empathize, share and just be there for your child.
2. Go back to school. Get the facts about sexual orientation and gender identity. Learn new language and the correct terminology to communicate effectively about sexual orientation and gender identity. Challenge yourself to learn and to go beyond stereotyped images of GLBT people.
   
   Here's a quick lesson on two frequently misunderstood terms:
   
   Sexual orientation—Describes to whom a person feels attraction: people of the opposite gender, the same gender, or both genders.
   
   Gender identity—A person's inner sense of gender—male, female, some of each, neither. Transgender people have a gender identity that is different from the gender to which they were born or assigned at birth.
   
   Some people ask, "Isn't transgender just like being gay?" No. Transgender describes a person's internal sense of gender identity. Sexual orientation describes a person's feelings of attraction toward other people. Transgender people have some issues in common with gay, lesbian, and bisexual communities, but gender identity is not the same as sexual orientation.
3. Get to know the community. What resources are available? Find out if there is a Gay/Straight Alliance at school, a community group for GLBT and questioning teens, a bookstore with a selection of books and magazines on GLBT issues, or a GLBT community center nearby.
4. Explore the Internet. There is a growing amount of excellent information on the World Wide Web that connects people with support and materials on these important topics. Three excellent Web sites are Youth Resource, Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians and Gays, and Gay Lesbian and Straight Education Network. For a diverse selection of links to a variety of GLBT sites, including education, family, health and wellness, and multiple identities, visit Ithaca College's Center for LGBT Education, Outreach and Services and click on the "links" button.
5. Find out where your local Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) meets. Many parents say that their connections with other parents of GLBT kids made a world of difference in their progress toward understanding their young people. Finding another person you can trust to share your experience with is invaluable. Many people have gone through similar things and their support, lessons learned, and empathy can be very valuable.