There's No Place Like Home for Sex Education: 1st Grade (continued)

• Share household chores.
• Read stories portraying both males and females in a variety of non-traditional roles.
• Use language that avoids stereotyping (e.g., mail carrier rather than mailman, flight attendant instead of stewardess; he or she in reference to doctors, nurses, etc.) Awkward? Perhaps … but well worth the effort.

As parents work to expand their children's horizons, they may find themselves at odds with influences of the outside world. Rather than set up a "We're right, they're wrong" struggle, it's useful to approach it as "here's another way to look at things." Certainly in the arena of sex role expectations, it's empowering to offer children another way to look at things.

Cry "Foul!"

The 1st grader may often use an obscenity without having the vaguest idea of its meaning. Past experience has proven the word to be an attention getter. Maybe that's all s/he wants. Or, s/he may be curious about the term, but unsure how to ask for permission to discuss it.

Either way, by calmly defining the word, parents neutralize its shock value, provide accurate information, and reaffirm their willingness to discuss sexual issues. A parent could say, for example: "That word is a mean way of saying _____. It's often intended to be hurtful. Please find other words to say what you're feeling."

If a child uses bad language out of anger, frustration, etc., it's helpful to let her know that while the emotion is perfectly acceptable, the language is not. Then assist her in finding alternate words to express her feelings.

Finally, parents might want to monitor their own vocabulary. "Do as I say, not as I do" has little impact. Model the behaviors you wish to encourage.

But What If …

Many parents admit to avoiding discussion of sexual issues with their children. With great relief, they'll seize any opportunity to get off the hook, assuming that somewhere along the line, kids will learn what they need to know.

Its likely that these very same parents truly want to be involved a their children's sexuality education … yet feel ill-prepared to do so. Fear, confusion, and embarrassment are just a few barriers that often get in the way. Let's see if the way can be smoothed a bit by addressing some of the concerns parents have expressed:

• I'm worried that giving my child too much sexual information will stimulate curiosity and encourage him to experiment. This is related to the fear of telling too much, too soon. The fact is, a child's interest in sexual issues needs no encouragement. That natural curiosity is alive and well from birth! When efforts to learn about sexuality are ignored, denied—or worse yet, punished—children may become preoccupied with the subject, and more compelled to experiment.
• But she's only in 1st grade. Isn't that too young? For lengthy, graphic detail? Of course. Your explanations can be simple, clear, and factual. At the same time, leave the door open for further discussion. Remember, now is the time to establish the foundation for open communication … an environment in which your child knows it is safe and appropriate to ask questions or voice opinions. Remember too that every day your 1st grader hears a great deal about sexuality … from friends … from the media … S/he certainly deserves to hear it from you.
• I don't want to frighten or confuse my child. Parents often voice this concern specific to topics such as sexual abuse, childbirth, etc. Truly, the bottom line is that children are more concerned and confused when they only have bits and pieces of information… or misinformation. It leaves much to their imagination, which can fabricate some rather frightening details. Know that by 1st grade, your child has heard something about sexual abuse, childbirth, etc., even if s/he has not heard it from you. It's best to introduce such topics, discuss them calmly and openly, and allow your child to express any concerns or questions.
• I'm not sure I have my facts straight. That can be the least of your worries. If you don't know the answer, say so. Then offer to look it up. Better yet, suggest that the two of you go to the library, and look it up together.
  
  In addition to providing factual information, many excellent resources offer help in the "how to" department. Check with your local Planned Parenthood, public health department or private physician.

Unfortunately, children are hearing the most about sex from friends and the media. Surely parents do not prefer this. When offered information, skills, assurance, and support, parents can embrace their role as family sex educators with confidence!