Tips for Parents of Teenagers

You're Still the Boss: Don't give up on your struggling teen:  The results of some surveys of teen-agers reflect a dismay that their parents seem to "give up on them" when they hit adolescence. Some parents back away from their sons and daughters, believing that they need "space" or room to rebel. Some parents even allow their children to experiment with smoking, drugs or sex, believing that they will do it anyway. But many teens are puzzled or troubled by this sudden extra space they're given. "It's like they don't care anymore," was how one teen put it. "I don't understand why they don't know I'm having sex," said another. We suggest you not view adolescence much differently than any other year. Your teens no longer need a diaper change, true, but now, more than ever, they need love, guidance, discipline, training in problem-solving, attention, fun time with you, quiet time with you, hugs, praise, and discussions about troublesome topics. Having a problem communicating? Don't let it fester. See the Safer Child pages on communication for more.

Be wary of "boot camps" or "youth ranches" for troubled teens: We urge caution when choosing a "boot camp" or "youth ranch" for a troubled teen. Standards for these places vary wildly, and some of them are dangerous. Teen-agers have died in poorly run facilities. The Government Accountability Office (GAO) issued a report in 2007 on these camps: http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2007-10-10-boot-camps_N.htm Speak to police, social services, and the Better Business Bureau before sending your teen to a particular facility. For help with your teen, check with your local Department of Health or Department of Health and Welfare for suggestions and ideas. This book tells a story of a family that refused to give up on a struggling teen: A Relentless Hope: Surviving the Storm of Teen Depression by Gary E. Nelson

Make sure your teen gets enough positive, undivided attention: While you don't have to worry about them accidentally eating the poinsettia, you do have to know whom they're with and what they're doing. You still need to make sure they're getting proper nutrition (don't allow them to consistently set the rules for where, when or what to eat!) and that they're getting enough sleep (don't allow them to set the bedtime!).

You still want to regularly set aside special time so you can talk and play together. You might not be able to play with toys, but you can play board games, bake or cook, try on makeup or learn to fix a car, go shopping, decorate a bedroom together, attend a ballgame or concert, learn a new language together -- or go camping, hiking, bungee jumping, swimming, horseback riding..