Tips for Divorcing Parents Regarding Their Children (continued)

• Sleep difficulties like disrupted sleep, an inability to sleep, exhaustion etc. 
• Social isolation 
• Anger, intolerance, grumpiness 
• Avoidance of divorce related conversations 
• Obsessing about the divorce 
• Appetite changes 
• Feelings of worthlessness
• Tears and feelings of sadness which feel overwhelming etc.

The above behaviors are experienced by both children and adults. If the above feelings and behaviors do not begin to diminish after a few months seek counseling.

8. Although many children do not ask to see a counselor when their parents separate, they usually find counseling very helpful. The reason for this is that they have someone to talk to who is neutral, and objective.

9. It is important to acknowledge that children are very loyal and protective of their parents. If children are placed in loyalty binds they can experience anxiety. To alleviate their anxiety they may “pick a side.” This is a coping skill which teens in particular use. This happens to very capable and loving parents. If your child engages in “picking a side” try not to feel rejected.

10. Divorce is expensive on many levels. Seeking the assistance of the courts is generally not helpful. All attempts should be made by parents to reach a divorce settlement between themselves or with mediators, and lawyers who specialize in family law even prior to filing for divorce.

11. Children who experience divorce are coping much better than the original research indicated. Methodological flaws in the early research prior to the 1990’s have been acknowledged. It is helpful to keep in mind that children are very resilient.

12. Try to be positive by thinking about the good things in your life.

13. Think of yourself as a survivor not a victim.