At War with Iraq: Tackling Tough Issues With Kids

Introduction

Kids ask a lot of tough questions but questions about war are some of the hardest to answer. When newscasts are filled with immediate and graphic details parents wonder if they should protect their children from the grim reality, explore the topic, and/or share their personal beliefs. Following are some answers to common questions and concerns that parents have about talking to children about war. Tailor your responses to the individual child. Keep in mind the child's age, individual personality, general tendency to be fearful and to worry, and general level of interest. Discussions do not happen all at once, parents should look for opportunities as they arise and let children know they are available to hear their concerns. Above all, monitor your own reactions as children learn the most from, and often worry the most about, those in their immediate environment. Maintaining a calm attitude conveys to the child that parents are in control and making sure their children are safe.

How do kids react to news about war?

A child's age and ability to understand information partly determines his/her reaction. Preschool children confuse facts with their fantasies and fear of danger. They do not yet have the ability to keep events in perspective and may be unable to block out troubling thoughts. They may not realize that a single incident is rebroadcast and so may think it's happening repeatedly and many more people are involved than is the case.

School age children can understand the difference between fantasy and reality but may have trouble keeping them separate during times of stress and uncertainty. They may also be susceptible to rumors. They may equate a scene from a scary movie with news footage and think that the news events are worse than they really are. In addition, the graphic and immediate nature of the news makes it seem as if the conflict is close to home - perhaps around the corner.

Middle school and high school age children may be interested and intrigued by the politics of a situation and feel a need to take a stand or action. They are concerned about concepts of ethics and justice and may show a desire to be involved in related political or charitable activities.

What details should I share?

For children who want more information, parents can talk about the specific rules for international cooperation established by the United Nations and UN inspectors finding evidence of attempts to hide weapons of mass destruction. With older children it may be helpful to discuss that some nations do not agree as well as the reasons for the disagreement. Parents and grandparents may engage in an open discussion with older children about living through previous wars during their own times.

What if my child knows someone directly involved?

Again it is important to be honest but obtaining accurate information is especially necessary. Know the correct approved avenues for getting up-to-date facts and the correct way to send messages to the individual. Keeping to a routine to help manage day to day activities and talking with members of other families in the same situation can help a child feel supported and less isolated.