When Baby Makes Three -- or Four or More

Introduction

The number of multiple births in the U. S. in the past two decades has jumped dramatically. Between 1980 and 2000 twin births increased 74% and triplets and other multiple births increased five fold, according to the National Center for Health Statistics. The increase in multiple births is due to 1) more women over age 30, who are more likely to conceive multiples, are having babies, and 2) the use of fertility stimulating drugs and assisted reproductive techniques is increasing. What does this mean for individual families?

When expectant parents hear the news

Susan: As soon as we found out, we proudly announced the news to our family and friends, and my identity changed in an instant. I was defined differently by other people. First it was "she's the one having twins," and then after they were born "she's the mother of twins," as if that was the most significant thing about me. The truth is, it did become my identity. Caring for Cara and Lewis was more than a full time job, and I didn't lift my head for three years.

Foster: We were adjusted to the idea of having twins, but when we found out there was a third child we were stunned. Then we went through a few stages. We became excited and then we broadcast the news to everyone we knew. But when the reality sank in we realized that it was going to be tough going—the pregnancy was high risk, the birth might take a long time, even getting the right equipment, arranging for extra help, and then all the extra expenses. We see-sawed between feeling excited and sheer terror.

Types of multiple births

Twins can be

• identical or monozygotic—a single fertilized egg divides into two separate but identical babies

• fraternal or dizygotic—two eggs fertilized by two sperm; no more alike than siblings (more common)

• Supertwins or twins+ refer to triplets or higher-order multiples who can be identical or fraternal

How is being a parent of twins or twins+ different from being a parent of one child?

Parents of twins or supertwins unanimously declare that the most critical difference is time. The care and feeding of more than one child at a time severely taxes the capabilities of two adults, and just having the time and energy to get through the day becomes the number one issue. According to Julie, a mother of twin infant girls, You don't get the chance to establish any priorities. There's simply no time left over to do things like clean up the kitchen, it's always open and in action. Vacuuming the living room becomes a luxury.

New parents of multiples need support, as much as they can get, from family, friends, and paid caregivers, when possible, for both physical and emotional reasons.

Having a baby changes parents' lives in many ways. Having more than one baby at a time makes the changes even greater. Although all parents are faced with lots of decisions, parents of multiples are faced with extras. In addition to the usual choices—breast or bottle feed; stroller or carriage; stay-at-home or back to work; nanny or day care; move or stay put—parents of multiples have even more to think about. Here are some special issues: