When the Baby Won’t Stop Crying

When an infant cries, she is trying to tell you something. Usually it’s easy to figure out what the baby is saying: “I’m hungry,” “I’m wet,” “I’m frightened.” During the first months, an infant’s primary needs are touch, eye contact, movement, smiles, nourishment and a close, caring relationship. Ideally, you read the baby’s signals, meet her needs and she stops crying. When you respond quickly, the baby gradually learns that the world is a safe place and develops basic trust in herself and the world around her. She forms an attachment to you and a secure base from which to explore the world. Your sensitive, responsive interactions with the infant enhance brain development along with all her other early physical, emotional, intellectual and social development.

But sometimes, all your attempts to provide comfort don’t work. The baby cries and cries and just won’t be comforted. The longer the baby cries, the longer it takes to stop crying. You try everything that has worked before and become frustrated and find it difficult to feel positive and loving with the baby and her family.

Why does an infant cry like this — and what can you do?

Keep in mind that crying is how a child tells you he needs something. It’s up to you to use your physical touch, kind words, tender loving care and experience to soothe, comfort and help him adjust.

Stay nearby and be as calm as possible
An inconsolable baby often feels great sadness and confusion at being separated from his mother or family and needs to express his feelings. Whether you are 2 years old or 42 years old, you will have a sense of loss when you are not able to be with the person you most want to be with. The baby needs to experience the security of being with you. Hold him and stay nearby. Let him take as long as he needs to cry. Reassure other children and parents that you are aware of his feelings and that his needs are being met.

Reassure the parents

Parents may be distressed by knowing that their baby cries when they aren’t there. Ask what they do to comfort him at home and try to adopt some of the same techniques. Try sharing some of your positive experiences each time you talk with the parents, such as, “Serena gave me such a sweet smile when I was singing today,” or “Jamil loved going outside and seeing the birds today.”

Try to understand and consider some other causes

• Physical pain or health condition: Is she eating, sleeping and developing well? Food allergies or a lack of sleep can cause unusual irritability. Colic, gas, diaper rash, ear infections, teething and other common childhood conditions can cause pain. Be sure a health care provider has evaluated the child recently.
• Developmental stage: The onset of stranger and separation anxiety can range from 6 to 18 months. At those times, infants are particularly sensitive to changes in care and may even have difficulty with familiar caregivers. They may act fussy and anxious around unfamiliar people or people who have different physical characteristics from their family. You can help by supporting a strong relationship with a primary caregiver who is always there to say hello and goodbye as well as maintain other routines such as feeding, diapering and napping.
• Individual differences: Children with “slow-to-warm” temperaments may take time to embrace a new caregiver or adjust to being in child care. Consider the compatibility between the temperament of the child and her primary caregiver. Consider the individual child’s sensitivity to noise, light or new things, and try to adjust the amount of stimulation in the environment to meet the child’s needs. Give children plenty of time to adjust to changes in people and routines and allow for individual preferences.

Learning self-comforting

Some children are ready to learn to take comfort in good-bye rituals, transitional objects such as blankets or stuffed toys, or other self-comforting skills. Providing the structure and security of a small group with a primary caregiver and regular routines and schedules will help these children.