Anger Management

The first step is to learn to recognize and label anger, usually by becoming sensitive to body cues: a hot face, clenched fists, a frowning mouth, a wrinkled forehead, crossed arms. Children also need to learn that it’s all right to feel angry, that feelings—even feelings that make them uncomfortable, such as anger and frustration—are natural responses to events or actions, and that learning to understand, accept, and label feelings is crucial to managing them and solving problems.

They must also learn that feelings are signals, and feeling angry is a signal to stop and consider what to do next. Anger management programs teach direct techniques, such as those used for impulse control—self-speak (“Stop,” “Calm down,” “I’m getting angry; I’m not going to lose my temper”), slow breathing, relaxation, and counting slowly to five (Coie and Koeppl, 1990; Kreidler and Whittall, 1999; Moore and Blaxall, 1995; Wittmer and Honig, 1994). One preschool teacher asks children to put their hands over their hearts to check out how they feel. “I point out that a wildly beating heart is a sign of being out of control,” he says (Bauer and Sheerer, 1997). The Turtle Technique (Robin, Schneider, and Dolnick, 1976; Greenberg and Kusche, 1998) teaches children to go inside their “shell” when they feel angry or upset. It, too, emphasizes bringing arms and hands toward the body—behavior that helps to inhibit physical action.

A teacher can also help children reframe their anger by using empathy to look at the situation from a different point of view (perhaps realizing that Emma spilled the juice because she hurt her hand yesterday) or by suggesting possible explanations for the event (Maria bumped into Emma and she wasn’t actually trying to spoil Jessica’s lunch). Another way to reframe anger is to externalize it. One teacher talks about a temper monster who makes children lose their tempers and helps them figure out how to stop the temper monster from controlling them (Milne-Smith, 1995). A different frame for older children (who reacted angrily because they felt their honor was at stake) convinced them that when they were provoked into losing their tempers, the other party in the dispute came out on top (Coie and Koeppl, 1990; Coie, Underwood, and Lochman, 1991).

Once the child’s anger is under control, it’s time to apply problem solving to the original problem. At that point the child can say, “I’m angry because the math problem is too hard and I don’t know what to do,” and with the teacher’s help, she can begin to brainstorm ideas to solve the problem—asking for help, teaming up with a classmate, breaking it down into smaller, more achievable steps. Throughout this process it is necessary to ensure that the child understands that feeling angry is all right but that pushing Diego or throwing her math book across the room is not.