Children's Birthday Celebrations in Low-Income Rural Families

This paper studied how low-income rural families celebrated children’s birthdays based on 128 interviews in 2000 with mothers of young children in eleven rural countries in five states. Data for this paper came from the Rural Families Speak Project (http:www.ruralfamilies.umn.edu), a multi-state longitudinal project led by Dr. Jean Bauer at the University of Minnesota. Below are some of the major findings from this paper along with quotations from the mothers.

1. The size of the birthday party often played a large role in the low-income rural mothers’ perception of the celebration. Their statements about the party size revealed their aspirations about big parties as well as social expectations about how the birthday party should be. One mother had this to say:

   Marilyn: “Usually we have a cookout and invite everybody over like our family and friends. We just have a little cake, ice cream and presents. Nothing real fancy and major, just an at-home little thing. We have July, August, and September birthdays. They are nice months that you can have a cookout and hang out with your family and just have a little party.” [italics added]

2. Most of the mothers hoped to have big parties because they believed the size of party symbolized how much they valued these celebrations. Their aspirations for special parties were often associated with high levels of spending in terms of hosting parties and/or giving gifts. One mother had this to say:

   Kellan: “Lots of times, it’s just with the older kids. I think with Sander, I took his friends to a movie. To me, they're very expensive birthdays. But I just feel like his is so important to me. And I just feel like I wanna give them. They've already got a dad who just ran off on them without a backward glance. And I wanna do what I can to more than make up for that.”

3. Children’s birthdays were often events that gathered extended family members together. Interviews with the mothers showed how birthday parties represented celebrations not just for the birthday boy or girl but for the entire family. One mother had this to say:

   Idette: “Birthday is like a major holiday. My dad comes. He lives in [city name], Pennsylvania. I lived up there most of my life. My aunt, his godmother, comes from [city name], Massachusetts, and my godmother comes. They all live up there. They come from far away. Another comes from Florida. Nobody comes to my party, but Shaun’s is like a major thing… He's the newest thing. Last year’s party was huge. I didn't expect all those people. It was huge. It was really huge. I was so glad we were in the back yard.”

4. Approximately 11% of the low-income rural mothers could not or did not celebrate children’s birthdays by throwing a party and/or buying gifts due to lack of economic resources and time constraints. These mothers expressed sadness or guilty feelings. One mother had this to say:

   Alberta: “I have a problem with that [birthday party], a very bad problem. My baby is three years old and I have not had a birthday party for him since he was born. It is a very hard thing… If I don't have the money, I just do not do it. I feel bad, but I know that he understands mommy does not have the money. So I just do not do it… I don't want to see the baby goes without a party this year, because he is getting older and older and I don't want that to happen.”

5. The amount of money that they spent on birthday gifts varied from $0 to $300. About two thirds of the mothers reported presents less than $50 while approximately one fourth of the mothers spent more than $50, and gifts over $100 were not rare. They chose to buy the expensive presents, not because they had sufficient money, but because they wanted to spend as much as they could to make birthdays special
6. A number of mothers responded that their spending on gifts was affected by the family’s economic hardships, the timing or season of the birthday, what the child wants or needs, the child’s age, and the parents’ value on birthdays. One mother had this to say: Eileen: “If they need new sneakers, I get them new sneakers. If they need new pants, I get them new pants or underwear, socks, or whatever. And then they get toys. Like this year, my daughter Nedra just had a birthday. Everybody asked me, “What does she want? What does she need?” Backpack, lunch pail, dresses for school, she got four of them… She got plenty of jewelry dress-up stuff. She got everything she wanted. A birthday only comes once a year. I’m not saying that we’re well off [italics added], but we can afford to spend $100 for a kid’s birthday… It is good. And they deserve it! It’s a special day!”
7. These low-income rural mothers employed several strategies to manage their resources that they needed to have the type of party they desired for their child. The examples of strategies were:

• Receiving informal social support
• Selecting cheap food/gifts
• Setting aside or buying ahead of time
• Setting a limit
• Combining parties
• Using formal assistance
• Lay away/credit card
• Sacrificing living expenses

Source: Jaerim Lee, Mary Jo Katras, and Jean Bauer. Children’s Birthday Celebrations from the Lived Experiences of Low-Income Rural Mothers. Working paper prepared for the National Council on Family Relations 68th Annual Conference; November 8-11, 2006; Minneapolis, MN.